


Deliverance

by nirroca



Series: Lavender [3]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bisexual Cassandra Pentaghast, Cassandra Pentaghast & Cullen Rutherford Friendship, Cassandra Pentaghast's Disgusted Noises, Ellana has ptsd, Established Relationship, F/F, Inquisitor & Dorian Pavus Friendship, POV Cassandra Pentaghast, POV Multiple, canon is just a guide, cassandra and leliana friendship, cassandra and sera friendship, demisexual cassandra pentaghast, demisexual female inquisitor, growing together, working through conflict
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-02-08 08:47:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 28,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21473269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nirroca/pseuds/nirroca
Summary: The continuation of the story of Ellana and Cassandra and the obstacles that they face whilst trying to eliminate the growing threat that is Corypheus. Will these things make them stronger or tear them apart?Part three of their main story within the Lavender universe.
Relationships: Female Inquisitor/Cassandra Pentaghast, Female Lavellan/Cassandra Pentaghast
Series: Lavender [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/607711
Comments: 34
Kudos: 62





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Welcome back to those that have been waiting for the next part of their story, and welcome to those that are reading this for the first time.
> 
> If this is your first time reading my work (hello!) you can read from here if that's what you want to do but I do recommend that Heavy as A Feather and The Romancing of Cassandra Pentaghast are read first because those two form the foundation that this is built on and some of the things that were brought up in them are themes that are going to be explored further in this work.

The leather soles of her shoes make no sound on the marble floors as she walks quickly through the halls, the long tail of her dress coat and cape rippling behind her with each step. Josephine had been able to secure them the hospitality of a nobles summer home outside the Winter Palace and Ellana was grateful for the distance from the prying eyes and ears of the noble court the arrangement afforded them. But she wasn’t ignorant to the fact that distance alone wasn’t enough to stop some of the more unscrupulous members of the court.

The manor is open but sprawling, making it easy to get misdirected in the sparse whitewashed halls. She finally finds the study she had been summoned to by Leliana, the heavy fabric of her garments twisting around her as she stops abruptly.

She barely has time to take in the form of Cassandra in her dress uniform beside her before turning her attention to Leliana, getting straight to the point. 

“You’re sure it's him?”

“Hmm. My scouts saw him leaving the Palace with an entourage and sent a bird,” 

“But we were supposed to meet him there?” Ellana asks, irritation itching between her shoulder blades. An irritation that is short-lived when she feels a warm hand chase it away, lingering on her waist.

“It appears he may have some other powerplay in mind for tonight's proceedings. If it looks like he has the favour of the Inquisitor perhaps he thinks it will make his claim stronger,” Josephine says thoughtfully, twisting her hands. Hands that for once are unadorned by her usual ledger and quill, but even in this light ink stains can still be seen shadowing her fingers. 

“I don’t like the idea of Ellana being a pawn for the amusement of both their egos,” Cassandra says darkly beside her.

“I know, and believe me, I’d much rather face down Corypheus than the Orlesian Court,” Ellana sighs, turning to face Cassandra, reaching for her hand and squeezing it in reassurance. 

“Have you decided what course of action you will take if an attempt is made on Celene’s life?” Leliana asks, cutting to the bone of the situation. Knowing that Corypheus had something planned for the evening was why they were there after all. 

The fact that this was  _ her  _ decision grated on Ellana though. She didn’t care if the Empress lived or died. The same way that Celene didn’t care about the countless elves that had died because of decisions that she’d made. Or more accurately, because of things that she had so willingly turned a blind eye to. If she had it her way she would let Josephine or Leliana make the decision for her.

But she had seen firsthand the chaos that her death set into motion in the future she was thrown into with Dorian. Knowing what was at stake, and the memory of Leliana’s gaunt and battered body, of  _ Cassandra _ corrupted and her normally strong frame being consumed by red lyrium gave her pause though. It was something she never wanted to see again, and she would fight the Dread Wolf himself if it meant that she never had to see that future come to pass.

“I… don’t know yet,” Ellana sighs, fiddling with the edge of her cravat which suddenly feels too tight around her throat.

“Surely you won’t let her die?” Josephine asks.

“Would it be so bad if she did?” Leliana challenges. Ellana had the same opinion on Celene’s cruelty as Leliana did, and it was a matter that they had discussed at length. She wasn’t sure exactly how she managed to know so much about the woman - her actions, her scheming, her Elven lover Briala. But she didn’t question it, and was thankful for Leliana’s honesty.   
  
“You can’t be serious Leliana,” Cassandra asks before turning to look at her in askance. “Ellana?”

She hadn’t discussed it with Cassandra. But she suspected that she wouldn’t be comfortable with the idea of using Celene’s death to see who was left standing when the dust settled and how that could work in their favour. Ellana wasn’t sure if Cassandra knew about Celene purging the Halamshiral Alienage to soothe her pride, but surely she has some idea of the things the woman has done - the things that she was capable of? Cassandra may hate the intricacies of the game but they didn’t mean she didn’t know how to play it.    
  
For once, Cullen is silent with his own arguments on the matter, but Ellana suspects that his views are similar to Cassandra’s. Something that doesn’t surprise her given both of their ties to the Chantry - an organisation that thrives on the continued existence of the status quo. 

“Surely now is the time for stability given the enemy we all face?” Cassandra asks when Ellana shrugs. 

“A valid point,” Ellana murmurs, looking at Cassandra thoughtfully. “What has the potential to happen if we fail tonight is something I never want to see come to pass, even if that means stability by keeping the wolf we know over the chaos we don’t,” Ellana sighs, smiling weakly at the soft look that Cassandra shoots her briefly. She knew how touchy a subject Redcliffe was for her and how much she hated talking about it. But that didn’t mean she was beyond logic and reason, and some things were best left how they were no matter how much she hated the idea.

But time would tell what her opinion would be at the end of the night.

“Can - would it be possible for me to have a moment alone?” Ellana asks.

“Of course Inquisitor,” Josephine agrees, giving Leliana and Cullen pointed looks before bowing her head and taking her leave, knowing a polite dismissal when she hears one.

Cassandra looks at her in askance - silently questioning if Ellana wanted her to leave as well. She softens when Ellana shakes her head - if she had any hope of making it through this night she needed this one last moment alone with Cassandra - and steps towards her, her hand coming up to rest on Ellana’s shoulder when she claims the space beside her.

Ellana watches as everyone files out of the room, nervously picking at the hardened skin around her thumbnail. Cassandra’s hand is warm on her shoulder and she turns to face her, the heavy fabric of her cape following the movement of her body a comfort. 

“I have something for you,” Cassandra says quietly, her hand hidden in her coat pocket.

“For me?” Ellana asks the nervousness in her chest lessening for a heartbeat at Cassandra’s expression.

“It's more sentimental than anything,” Cassandra flushes trying to downplay whatever it is.   
  
“Yes but it's from  _ you _ ,” 

“It's an  _ Orlesian _ thing,” Cassandra rolls her eyes, a bitter edge to her voice as she pulls her hand out of her pocket to reveal a silky red ribbon threaded through her fingers. “But it's a symbol of courtship and I must confess, as trite as it sounds I want people to know that you are spoken for,”

“Is that so?” Ellana asks grinning. Giddy that Cassandra would make a claim in such a way. 

“Don’t look so smug,” Cassandra admonishes with a sigh.

“Smug? Me? Never in my life Seeker,” Ellana grins, stepping towards her and playing with the end of her braid, the soft strands twisting easily through her fingers.

It's been too long since they were last  _ alone _ together. Shared the same bed. Were intimate. The sex she could go without. For now at least. But the thing she missed the most was waking up beside her every morning, starting their day with lazy kisses and discussing the days plans over their shared morning meal. They still shared a tent when they were on the road, so for a time at least she had some of that as a respite to the anxiousness she felt the closer they got to Halamshiral. But now the closer they got to jumping feet first into a nest of vipers she needed it more than ever. Needed but couldn't have because of appearances that needed to be upheld and the eyes and ears that were everywhere. 

But now one of those vipers was nearly on her doorstep.

“Here,” Cassandra says softly, breaking Ellana out of her train of thought when she reaches forward and grabs the end of her braid. Ellana watches quietly as Cassandra wraps the length of ribbon around the end, securing it deftly with a knot.   
  
“Subtle,” Ellana grins, appreciating the gesture but still confused by the intricacies of human relationships. But she wonders if it would be appropriate for her to make a similar gesture? A declaration that means something to those that know. “I don’t have anything for you,” Ellana sighs.

“I can assure you that it won’t be necessary,” Cassandra snorts drily. 

Anger flashes quickly in her stomach, the acid burning hot between her ribs and Ellana is disappointed that even after all of her efforts and the tears shed on that memorable night that Cassandra still thinks so lowly of herself. But apparently she is wrong because Cassandra is quick to reassure her.

“I’ve made it  _ quite _ clear in the past that I have no interest in being anyone's conquest,” Cassandra smiles softly, stepping towards her.

Ellana laments where they are, and how pressed they are for time because Cassandra’s hands gliding down her arms are a comfort she wants to indulge and the strong hands squeezing her own calm her nerves almost instantly.

“You’re tense my love,”

“Can you blame me?”

“No, I don’t suppose I can,” Cassandra murmurs softly, almost as if she’s voicing the thought out aloud.    
  
“I feel like I’m being thrown into a varghest nest with nothing but my bare hands to defend myself,” Ellana sighs, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

“I wish I could tell you the game is nothing like that, but I love you too much to lie to you,“ Cassandra remarks dryly. “Josephine and Leliana taught you well, and you’re smart enough to think on your feet,”

“But will it be enough?” Ellana asks quietly, giving voice to the nagging fear in the back of her head. That despite all of their efforts, the training that saw her attention drawn from much more pressing matters would be for naught. All because of a slip of the tongue on her part. Or that people wouldn’t be able to see past her pointed ears and tattooed face and would dismiss her simply because she was little more than a Dalish savage in their eyes.

“If it means anything, I believe in you,” Cassandra says earnestly, kissing her forehead.

Not knowing the next time she’ll be able to do so Ellana stands on tiptoes, the leather of her boots creaking in the quiet room and kisses Cassandra softly on the lips. Once. Twice. Three times. For luck. For strength. For safekeeping.

“It means more than you know.”

  
  
She hates him. His arrogance. The mask that does nothing to hide the way he looks at her, predatory, like she’s a conquest to be tamed. She hides the shudder the first time his breath is hot against her neck, his hand finding an unwelcome home on her waist. She can feel the anger radiating off of Cassandra from where she is across the entrance from her, is fairly certain that it matches her own. He smirks at her when she draws attention to the ribbon in her hair, curling the silver strands between her fingers before letting it settle on her breast next to the dragon tooth that has become a permanent part of her. That at least gives him pause, though why Ellana doesn’t know. Doesn’t want to know. Hopes that he might just see it and think it was just a trinket found by a Dalish savage on her travels. Only a handful of people knew the true meaning behind it, and even then most of those people didn’t know the full story. But there was no way that Gaspard could know it belonged to Cassandra’s brother, and even less of a chance for him to know that she was the one that gave it to her. 

“That is an interesting trophy,” Gaspard begins, looking at the yellowed tooth resting against her chest. “I have heard rumours that the Inquisition has killed dragons, is it from one of them?”

He has the expression of someone who only views animals as trophies, and who lives vicariously through others and the tales of their exploits. But she doesn’t owe him the truth so it's easy to lie to him and protect the true meaning, even if she can feel Cassandra’s gaze hot on her face. No doubt she will have to explain herself later.

“Yes,” Ellana begins lying smoothly, her joined hands resting against her lower stomach. “Though we have only found the need to kill one of the beasts so far, this is from one that we slew in the Hinterlands.”. The lie is smooth and rolls easily off her tongue, punctuated with a smile. Smiling is easy. And insincerity is easier when she knows that Gaspard is distracted by her face. “Pretty, for a knife ear,” one man's last words were before she silenced him permanently. And she hadn’t been afraid to use her looks to her advantage ever since. 

She senses Cassandra’s eyes on her all the way to the Winter Palace, tingling between her shoulder blades, but how she is feeling she can’t decipher. Her face is a mask, and she can’t afford for her gaze to linger on her long enough to try and read her but surely she knows she isn’t lying about this because she wants to? If she had it her way she would put Gaspard and his wandering hands in their place by kissing Cassandra with every ounce of feeling that she has for her. She lies to protect this thing that is so precious to her. Because it's the only thing in all of this that she truly has to herself. Cassandra and her love for her is an island in the chaos that her life has become, and she wouldn’t trade it for anything. Would protect it with the same intensity she loves Cassandra in return. 

She just hopes that Cassandra doesn’t doubt this. 

With a bat of her eyes and a quirk of her lips, Gaspard buys her lies easily and spends the rest of the journey talking about his military successes in the Exalted Plains and the shortcomings of Celene, making the motive for his accommodation of the Inquisition clear. She wasn’t foolish enough to think that she had been invited there as a guest of honour on behalf of the Duke. No. As close as she was playing her cards to her chest - with her knowledge of the attempt on Celene’s life being a strong possibility that night - Gaspard was playing his just as closely, and Ellana is already exhausted at the thought of having to deal with this for the rest of the night with all the other members of the court. 

Her cheeks already hurt faking nice - the eyes of every noble watching her like ravens catching the scent of carrion the moment she and her advisors set foot in the vestibule. Though she wouldn’t need her sensitive hearing to hear the whispers about an upstart knife ear in fine clothing and mistaking her for the help, something she saw Cassandra bristle at out of the corner of her eye.

Between Ellana’s quickly fraying temper and Cassandra’s protectiveness, it’ll be a blessing if they can get through the night without one of them causing a scene.

Thank god Sera decided to stay at the manor that night Ellana muses.

She gets a smug sense of satisfaction when the Herald introduces her formally to the court. But she squares her shoulders, and holds her head high walking with pride, the heavy fabric of her cape moving with her body as she walks silently across the marble floor towards the dais where Celene is standing. She takes a moment to appreciate the murmurs that ripple through the ballroom, catches snippets of the unoriginal complaints about her.

But her musings are cut short when she hears the Herald begin to announce the person behind her.

She can’t turn back to look but she can only imagine the look on her face as her titles are announced. She knows how she feels about them. Knows because her feelings are similar to her own in regards to her own role and expectations. But knowing Cassandra’s reaction doesn’t prepare her for what she hears next.

“ _ Cassandra Allegra Portia Calogera Filomena A- Pentaghast _ ” 

She manages to hold onto both her composure and her straight face when Cassandra interrupts with a demand to get on with things. But not by much. Though hearing the pause in the Herald’s voice and the exasperation in Cassandra’s tone Ellana suspects that there are more names that weren’t announced. She knew Cassandra well enough to know that it was unlikely she would even tell her how many middle names she had. This was a question for Leliana and Josephine. And knowledge Ellana would never use flippantly.

And Ellana though  _ Stamatina Grace _ was bad. 

When she finally reaches Celene she follows everything Leliana, Vivienne and Josephine drilled into her the past months with ease, making small talk easily until the rest of her advisors have joined them, and it's a relief when Josephine takes control of the situation.

For someone who was fretting so much when they first arrived Josephine is calm and collected,completely in her element playing the game in a way that Ellana would never be capable of. As Josephine speaks Ellana takes a moment to take in Celene’s appearance, see if there is anything she can learn from her in the words she doesn’t say. But she’s impossible to read. 

Celene is nothing like she imagined. She has an air about her that is almost arrogant - she is the most important person in this room and she knows it - even if she knows that by the end of the night Ellana will have the fate of the empire in her hands. But at the same time, she seems… frail, vulnerable. Her slender arms and spindly wrists speak of a life of privilege. Of someone whose heaviest burden is the weight of the fork that they raise to their mouth. She’s slender in an almost sickly way, the lines of her ribs visible in her low cut gown and her collar bones look like exposed tree roots holding up her long neck. The decorative spines of her dress do little to quash Ellana’s stray thought that the woman almost looks like a spider in fine blue silk with milky white skin. Pretty to look at and no doubt poisonous like most bright and garish things in nature. 

Ellana spares Cassandra a glance beside her and admires the way she looks in her dress uniform, smaller without her usual armour but the fabric straining in areas that leave no doubt about the strong and capable physique hiding underneath. Something that she hasn’t been able to appreciate for over a week now in any context, let alone her preferred. Cassandra smiles softly at her, and Ellana doesn’t miss the twitch of her fingers, knows that they probably itch to reach out and find their home entwined with her own as much as hers do. She wonders briefly when it was that she became so sentimental, but knows she wouldn’t change it for the world, because Cassandra has bought so much richness to her life in the short time that they’ve been together.

After the formal introductions they’re free to mingle as they please, and for once Ellana is thankful for her pointy ears and tattooed face being so easy to ignore for most nobles. Their ignorance affords her the ability to listen in quiet corners, gathering information in hushed whispers that are loud to her sensitive hearing. 

Some of it is useless, idle gossip about eating with the wrong spoon, and hats the wrong colour for this time of year. But there are other things, like someone sleeping with someone they shouldn’t. Coin changing hands for reasons parties would prefer remained unknown. And then there are the whispers and worried looks from the servants about blood in the kitchens and missing elves that are of interest to both Ellana and Leliana. She slips through the crowds back to the main ballroom and the table that Leliana has claimed for herself to share what she has found.    
  
“No doubt Josie will have a use for this information as well,” Leliana says quietly before taking a sip of her drink, a sentiment that Ellana hums in agreement to. 

“But I think it is best if you investigate what you can of the kitchens now before the rest of the formalities begin. Take Cassandra, she’s never enjoyed these affairs and no doubt needs to  _ vent _ some of her frustrations,” Leliana smirks, and Ellana smiles thinly at her words, suspecting that in the days to come that she will no doubt hear about Gaspard and the less than subtle whispers that they’d been overhearing about her for most of the night.

If anyone notices them slipping out through the door to the kitchens nothing is said, and it's a relief to be met with the sound of silence as the heavy wooden door clicks shut behind them. Until the tangy metallic smell of still drying blood hits her nostrils and she remembers the importance of why they’re here. 

“It's about time you lot showed up,” Sera’s voice rings out from the shadows, surprising them all.

“Sera? What are you doing here?” Ellana asks in confusion. Sera had been adamant that she stayed behind that night and Ellana suspected that it may have been because of how she felt about nobles - a sentiment that she shared with her, but now it appears it's because she had some other motive that she didn’t know about. 

“Red Jenny small people business? Leliana’s idea wasn’t it. Figured you knowing less was better yeah?” 

“Or that she knew I’d be more interested in it than what I was supposed to be learning,” Ellana grumbles, and she can see the look of exasperation of Cassandra’s face without having to turn around. 

“Right, I have weapons if you think you’ll need them, which you probably will if this - ugh - is anything to go off,” Sera says, gesturing at the blood on the floor with a look of distaste. “I’ll let you know if I find anything good yeah?” and before the chaos of her presence has a chance to settle she’s gone again, leaving silence in her wake.

“Right so Leliana knows more than she’s letting on because of course she does,” Ellana sighs, tossing the end of her braid over her shoulder as she walks over to the bag of weapons that Sera had left them, surprised to find that they're their own.

Cassandra has a thoughtful look on her face as she secures her sword belt to her hip, and Dorian and Varric are surprisingly quiet for once, Varric only sparing her a quiet nod of thanks when she hands him Bianca.

The click of the crossbow bolt sliding into place spurs her into action, and she presses forward into the dimly lit kitchen. The smell of blood is less pungent here, but still sickly when combined with spices and the aroma of cooking meats, and she exhales sharply, before taking shallow breaths.

“This is worse than I thought,” Ellana murmurs to herself quietly as she takes in her surroundings. It's hard to tell what is mess and what is just normal kitchen clutter. But it's obvious that the trail of blood - where something, or some _ things  _ \- has been dragged across the floor and out the doors that something bad has happened here. 

She ignores Cassandra's noise of protest as she follows the trail out the door. She knows she’s not going to like what she finds, even if it is something she’s seen countless times before.

“I haven’t missed shit like this,” Varric’s voice says quietly, startling her because she had been so focused on what she was doing that she hadn’t heard him come up beside her. “You always bring me to the most exciting places Blueberry.”

“That’s because I know how much you like them,” Ellana says with a lightness she doesn’t feel.

They don’t have to search for long before they find where the trail ends.

The stench when they open the door is enough to make anyone queasy, but the room is oddly… peaceful. The bodies of several elvhen servants are on the floor where they’ve been dumped, and in the dim light of the fire the blood seeping into the cracks in the stonework glints darkly. They hadn’t been here for long then, and they weren’t too far behind whoever it was that had done this. But Ellana suspected it was more than one person behind this.

She feels Cassandra’s hand on her shoulder, but she shrugs off her attempt at comfort. Now is not the time. But that doesn’t stop Cassandra from speaking. “Ellana I’m-”

“You’re  _ sorry _ ? About a few dead elves? Why? This is what your Chantry has fought many ages for,” Ellana snaps harshly.

It's a low blow, and she regrets the words as soon as she’s said them. Even more so when she sees the look of hurt confusion that flashes quickly on Cassandra’s face before disappearing, becoming blank and hard to read. 

Clearly they have some things to talk about later. 

Ellana sighs, looking at her apologetically. Cassandra’s face softens but the moment is broken by Dorian.

“As much you two clearly have some things to talk about, I think we have company,” 

Ellana disappears in a cloud of grey smoke before the words have fully registered and she kneels in the shadows, nocking an arrow and drawing. She has a clear view of the people coming towards them out the door, and she doesn’t have to wait long before they’re in range. They still have the element of surprise, and it's almost comical to watch the first person fall to the floor like a ragdoll as she lets loose her first arrow. Their two companions scramble for cover but she manages to hit one of them in the throat before they make it behind cover, their blood beginning to pool with the rest when they slump lifelessly to the floor. 

She lost sight of the last one, but her instinct tells her that they’re still there. Dorian and Varric wordlessly lay traps on either side of the door just out of sight and the whole room holds its breath, waiting. Whoever these people were they were expecting them.

Cassandra shifts her weight - the chainmail under her clothes chinking softly as she moves - and that's when Ellana hears it. A soft footstep behind her and she reacts without thinking, pulling the dragon bone knife that was hidden under her cape but still within easy reach. Her bow clatters to the ground as she turns and her knife finds a home between the ribs under the armpit of her would-be assassin, the momentum of her turn throwing her off balance and she ends up on top of them. She uses her full weight to twist the knife, feeling the bone resist before finally giving and with a wet rattling gasp the body slumps lifelessly beneath her, blood trickling out of its mouth. 

“Ellana?!” Cassandra yells rushing over. “Inquisitor,” She corrects herself “are you alright?”

“I’ve certainly had better nights,” Ellana remarks dryly, pulling the knife out of the body beneath her, grimacing at the wet hiss of air that follows it. She’s rattled but she doesn’t want to show it. Not here. Not now. She tries to steady herself by wiping the knife clean on her would be assailants breeches before trying to resheath it with a shaky hand, but misses the narrow opening. She says nothing when she feels a gloved hand stop her, taking the blade and resheathing it for her. She regrets her earlier words even more now in the face of Cassandra’s tenderness, and she hopes her face says the things that she cannot. She settles for smiling weakly when Cassandra’s fingers graze her wrist when she hands her back her bow, slinging it over her shoulder.

The rest of their exploration isn’t as eventful, save for a few more close-quarters skirmishes. Her anger grows the more discarded bodies that they find, and the part of Ellana that is tired of the amount of elvhen blood she has seen spilt at the hands of men awakens. Enough of her people's blood has been spilt here, and every life she cuts short with an arrow or a blade feels like retribution for the senselessness of their deaths. 

They make their way into a courtyard and find more bodies. At first, she thinks it might be Sera’s handiwork because the bodies wear the same uniform as the assassins that have been dogging them for most of the night but something is off. It feels like there are eyes watching them, and the dagger jutting from the back of one of the dead men feels sloppy. Too obvious.

She kneels beside it and pulls the dagger out, unsurprised to see Gaspard’s crest on the pearl covered hilt. It clicks a second too late that something is wrong. “It's a trap,” Ellana snarls angrily and she only manages to roll out of the way of an incoming arrow a second before it bounces off of the cobblestones she’d occupied moments before. A warning shot then, any archer of skill would have still been able to hit a moving target. She hears the whistle of another arrow flying through the air and braces for another hit, but it doesn’t come, all she hears is a faint heavy thud come from behind one of the ivy-covered screens. By now there are footsteps heading towards them, lots of them and coming from multiple directions from the sounds of it. It's no worse than the demons they had encountered before, but they were running out of time. Surely some people would have noticed that they were missing by now and would begin asking questions.

She glances at her companions as she takes in the area, and they look calmer than she feels. The cape, whilst a dramatic touch was becoming an annoyance, and the only thing stopping her from tearing it off was knowing the disapproval it would garner from Vivienne and Josephine, and no doubt the court. There's no real vantage point that she can get to quickly, so she scrambles into one of the garden beds, and begins firing, hitting some of the men that are coming towards them. The fighting begins in earnest when Cassandra yells, running at one of the swordsmen and taking him down easily with several well-aimed strikes. She looks off-balance without her shield, and Ellana feels a jolt of worry, but she stamps it down focussing her attention on one of the men that is trying to flank Cassandra instead.

Cassandra surprises her when she takes a short sword from one of the bodies on the ground, and Ellana is distracted as she watches as she begins fighting with two hands, moving gracefully between the men that are attacking her and holding her own quite well. 

“Oi stop having a perv Ellie,” Sera’s voice in her ear startles Ellana, and she almost drops her bow in the westringias. 

“I was-” Ellana sighs, knowing that arguing with Sera is futile. “ _ Fucking Ellie _ ,” Ellana grumbles under her breath. If she can’t get Sera to drop the awful nickname, she’ll never hear the end of it if she tries to deny finding the woman she loves attractive to the point of distraction, so Ellana stays silent. 

“Watch this though,” Sera grins, pulling several jars out of the pouch on her belt. “Oi Seeker,  _ duck _ ,” Sera cackles, lobbing the jars into the fray. 

To her credit, Cassandra doesn’t question Sera’s instruction, and she sidesteps the man she was duelling and is a safe distance away by the time the sound of angry bees fills the air, and what’s left of their attackers try to flee. But between Dorian, Ellana and Varric they don’t get very far and once the bees have settled they’re the only ones left standing in the courtyard, the sound of the bubbling water feature a stark contrast to the violence from moments earlier. 

“Look at you, walking into a trap with your arse out,” Sera laughs, jumping out of the garden bed and holding out a hand to help Ellana do the same.   
  
“Yes, yes, but maybe save the mocking for later?” Ellana grumbles wiping dirt off of her pants.

“She has a point you know,” Cassandra says quietly as she sheathes her sword. “Walking out in the open like that was reckless.”

“I - I know, and I should have realised sooner,” Ellana says with a weak smile.

Cassandra and Sera seem to be having silent conversation beside her - the friendship that had developed between the two women was still something that surprised her and she’d watched it grow before her very eyes ever since Sera had joined the Inquisition - and wordlessly come to an agreement. 

In any other situation, Ellana would be amused by it, but she’s ultimately left confused as she watches Sera nod her head decisively before disappearing into the shadows cast by the lattice and manicured trees. 

“She’s gone to see if anyone noticed what was happening here,” Cassandra offers as an explanation, taking her gently by the wrist and leading her into one of the secluded parts of the garden near a water feature. 

“You knew about this?” Ellana asks irritation lacing her voice, curious to know just how many people helped keep her out of the loop of Leliana’s planning.

“Not specifics, but I knew Leliana had plans for this evening,” Cassandra reassures her gently.

Ellana is torn between being irritated that she is little more than a front for Leliana’s true intentions for the night - intentions that she would have liked to have known about, she was the Inquisitor after all - and relief that whatever Leliana was up to, it was one less thing for her to worry about. And something that she could deny because the only thing she knew about it was that it was happening. 

Ellana sighs, walking further into the garden, leaving the sound of Dorian and Varric behind as they argue over something where they left them near the main fountain. She doesn’t have to look to know Cassandra is following her. She knew she was worried about her, and the guilt over her earlier words is acidic in her chest. There were countless people here that deserved to be on the receiving end of her anger. But Cassandra wasn’t one of them.

She pauses in a small alcove similar to the one they just left, sitting heavily on the marble bench facing the water fountain burbling quietly in the stillness of the garden. The stone is cool beneath her, and smooth against the tips of her fingers as she strokes it absently. She wonders just how many backhanded dealings this place has seen, how many trysts and scandals that have been committed in the soft light with only the finely manicured hedges as witnesses. If the walls could talk it would probably topple half the empire.

She looks over when she feels Cassandra settle beside her, grabbing the hand that is nervously tracing patterns on the marble and stilling it's motion by holding it securely in her own.

“How are you faring?” Cassandra asks her softly, her thumb stroking the soft skin of the inside of her wrist.

“I think you already know the answer to that,” Ellana huffs, laughing humorlessly. 

“I know, but I want to hear it from you,” 

“This is a lot to take in and there is more going on than we -  _ I _ \- even realised. It's… troubling.  _ Frustrating _ ,” Ellana sighs, fiddling with the fingers holding her hand.

“For what it's worth I think you are handling everything quite well,” Cassandra smiles at her softly. 

“If I didn’t know any better I’d say you were trying to give me a pep talk Cassandra,” Ellana snorts softly, feeling her spirits lift - a warmth in her chest at Cassandra’s words. 

“Or I’m saying what I think you need to hear,”   
  
“Flatterer,” Ellana grins, finding comfort in a familiar argument.

“I’m learning from the best,” Cassandra states matter of factly, the toe of her boot scuffing the terraced stone the only thing betraying the casual air she speaks with.

They were both as tightly wound as each other, and the night had only just begun.

“I’m sorry for what I said earlier,” Ellana sighs, fiddling with the ribbon in the end of her braid with the hand that isn’t firmly held in Cassandra’s own. “Tonight may be trying but you don’t deserve the blunt end of my temper, and you never will,” 

“I know,” Cassandra reassures her, “But just because I know you didn’t mean them doesn’t mean your words didn’t hurt,” 

She doesn’t know when Cassandra became so adept at talking about her feelings, but she suspects it's mostly her influence - having given Cassandra the safety to explore her emotions and feelings with no fear of judgement and as she was ready to. She expects -  _ deserves _ \- nothing less than the frankness she receives in Cassandra’s words. Welcomes them and their blunt honesty, they keep her grounded after all, help her to continue to come to know the parts of Cassandra that she so willingly shares with her better. Helps her know how to love her better and it's a lesson that she wants to keep learning for the rest of her life. 

“I think we have some things to discuss after tonight,” Ellana says quietly. “And I have a lot of things to think about,”

She stands, using their joined hands to pull Cassandra with her before letting go, brushing the dust off her uniform and straightening herself up as best she can in the dim light.

“Will you come to my rooms tonight?” Ellana asks softly, feeling nervous, undeserving of asking for Cassandra’s company.

Her stomach sinks when Cassandra hesitates, rubbing the side of her neck and exhaling deeply.

“Just to sleep, nothing else,” She knows Cassandra can see the vulnerability written clearly on her face. 

“I haven’t been sleeping well either,” Cassandra admits, already knowing that Ellana would be struggling just as she was. “Josephine will have our heads if we’re seen,”

“That’s not a no though,” Ellana murmurs, stepping forward and fiddling with the shiny silver buttons on Cassandra’s midnight blue jacket - the colour doing wonders for her complexion, and wreaking havoc on Ellana’s libido. 

“It's we’ll see,” Cassandra chuckles, knowing exactly what Ellana is trying to do with her flattery. “Come here,” Cassandra sighs opening her arms and pulling her into an embrace that Ellana gladly returns. “I want you to know that I forgive you, even if I am upset,”

“And you’re allowed to be,” Ellana sighs, the velvet of Cassandra’s coat soft against her cheek. The smell of her as comforting as the heat of her body against hers. 

“We should go back, those two have been left to their own devices for long enough,” Cassandra grumbles.

“Agreed,” Ellana chuckles, gasping in surprise when she feels Cassandra’s lips warm against her brow. But they’re gone just as quickly as they appear and Cassandra steps out of her embrace, walking ahead of her leaving her to catch up.

Varric and Dorian had nothing to report in their absence, and Ellana rolls her eyes at the suggestive smirk that Dorian gives her as she falls into step beside him as they make their way out of the gardens.

“What?” Ellana asks not having to feign the irritation in her voice.

“Oh nothing,” Dorian grins, his well-oiled moustache twitching with the curl of his lips. “You appear to have a little something on your forehead though,”

Dorian’s laugh and Cassandra’s name dies on her lips at the sound of footsteps approaching them, a last-ditch effort to take them out before they can report back what they’d found if she had to assume. She pats the hidden sheath on her leg that holds the knife that bears Gaspard’s crest, checking that it's still there before nocking her bow. Kneeling in the shadows and steadying her breath she readies herself to take out the attackers that are coming towards them, their footfalls echoing loudly off the walls of the marble-lined hallway. 

The first of their attackers falls comically, an arrow through the throat stopping them in their tracks. But there are more than she expected and fighting with arrows in close quarters was hard enough at the best of times so she finds herself at a disadvantage compared to the rest of her companions. 

She feels her heart rate start to quicken, it's not often that she finds herself feeling powerless, and now of all times - of all  _ places _ \- is the last time that she wants to feel as such.

“Your bow Inquisitor!” Cassandra yells as she parries the rogue that is darting around her trying to break through her defences with their daggers.

She strokes the familiar warmth of the rune just above the grip of her bow, the glow of whatever power that Dagna used glowing in the channels of the wood that lead to the tip where the blades appear. She may not be the best at fighting in such a way but she could manage in a pinch. And this was definitely a pinch Ellana reasons to herself, whipping the length of her bow across her closest attackers chest, and delivering the killing blow with her knife. 

She looks up when a cry of “Get the knife ear!” is cut off with an angry yell from Cassandra and two-handed swing of her sword that near severs the man's arm from his body at the shoulder joint. Cassandra is beautiful and tempestuous in her fury, her attacker's words sending her into a rage leaving a trail of bodies in her wake and single-handedly pushing back whats left of their attackers. She pushes them back into mines that Dorian had set behind them, making what was left of their attackers easy pickings for both her and Varric with their arrows and grenades. 

The hallway falls silent with one last arrow finding its home in the chest of a harlequin, their dead weight hitting the blood slick floor with a thud. 

Ellana takes a deep breath to calm herself, her arms and fingers feeling cold despite the adrenaline coursing through her veins. The tightness of her chest lessens with each deep breath she takes, and she doesn’t notice that Cassandra is in front of her until she feels a hand gripping her shoulder tightly, and looks up to see Cassandra looking at her in concern.

“Are you alright?” Cassandra asks.

“Are you?” Ellana asks, deflecting the attention away from herself. “That was quite an impressive display,”

Cassandra looks at her thoughtfully, knowing what she is doing and letting it slide. For now at least. She sighs, reaching into her pocket, pulling out a square of linen and wiping something off of her forehead and cheek before putting the cloth back into her pocket. “I forgot that I was wearing rouge,” Cassandra mumbles.   
  
That explains Dorian’s earlier grin at least.

“That man, what he said - how do you deal with it?” Cassandra asks changing the subject, her face softening, becoming curious “Doesn’t it bother you?”

“The knife-ear comments? It used to? But now I’m just… I’ve heard it so many times I’m just… used to it I guess?” Ellana hadn’t thought much about it, and it was something that she had ignored now for longer than she cared to remember. But it was touching that Cassandra felt so strongly about it, and she suspected that Cassandra’s earlier rage was as much anger as it was indignation and desire to protect her - even if it was just words that had lost any power over her years before they’d even met.

“Sometimes we hear things so often the words lose their meaning. And then they become what we make them,  _ Seeker _ Pentaghast,”

Cassandra bristles, and before Ellana has a chance to express her irritation of the interruption of this stranger to their conversation she continues speaking. 

“Ellana of clan Lavellan, well,  _ formally _ after that unfortunate incident. The silver ghost of Lowtown, I have heard rumours about you but it is nice to finally meet the ghost in the flesh,as Inquisitor no less. I am Briala, and I must say that watching you tonight, I am impressed.”

  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The remainder of the night at Halamshiral from Cassandra's perspective. Unexpected things come to light in more ways than one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thanks to Whatomen and faerieavalon for stepping in as beta's for me :)

_ “You’re sorry?! About a few dead elves? Why? This is what your Chantry has fought many ages for.” _   
  
It is a shock at first; the harshness of Ellana’s words and how she said them. By the time that they’d sunk in Cassandra’s temper was burning at the base of her throat, ready to lash out at Ellana. 

But she doesn’t. 

She supposes it's a testament to how much of an effect Ellana has had on her that she doesn’t react to the anger she feels and that she takes a moment to collect herself. 

Keeping her expression blank she breathes out through her nose in a long, steady exhale. Cassandra feels the heat in her chest evaporate when Ellana’s face falls, the other woman realising what she just said. Or more likely  _ who _ she’s said it to.

Ellana may not be angry at her specifically but the words still hurt. It hurt that Ellana would think her apology wasn’t sincere; that she would lump her in with the worst of the Chantry faithful, dismissing all that they had shared... all that Cassandra had sacrificed - everything that she had walked away from because it was the right thing to do. 

Knowing how Ellana felt about the Chantry doesn’t lessen that hurt though. She never saw her face that morning Ellana confessed that she had trouble reconciling Cassandra’s faith and comfort that she found in the Chantry with the pain it had bought her people over the ages. 

But the tension she could feel in Ellana’s body as she rode behind her spoke volumes, and part of her wonders if there was more to it than that. 

Aside from helping her honour Anthony’s memory on the anniversary of his death - giving her closure for Galyan despite knowing of his unfaithfulness - one thing she remembers most about that morning was how rigidly she held herself standing in the doorway to the chantry. How small and uncomfortable she looked in the dim morning light, how close she had kneeled beside her as she took her candle and listened to her speak the words that were so familiar to Cassandra. 

She wonders what had happened - despite the obvious - to make her feel that way; knows that at some point she will gather the courage to ask.

Her anger is forgotten the moment she hears the commotion behind her and turns to see Ellana with her knife drawn, arms and legs tangled with a masked person beneath her as she tries to keep the upper hand in the struggle.

It's a relief to see the body beneath her finally go limp. A relief that only lasts until she sees Ellana’s face. 

The ink of her Vallaslin is a stark contrast to the paleness of her complexion even in the dimly lit room they’re in. 

If Cassandra didn’t know her any better, she would think that she was going to be sick. 

Being close enough to someone to feel it when they die is hard. Harder still when their death is caused by your own hand. It's something she learned early in her life as a Seeker. 

Given Ellana’s skill with a bow, she knows she’s never really had to see the life drain from another up close. If Cassandra was given a choice, it's something that she would shelter her from however she could. But it's too late now. 

Outwardly, Ellana is almost successful in putting on a believable air of confidence. But Cassandra knows her too well, and the tight - almost pinched - expression on her face is enough for her to know how she was feeling at the current moment. But the tremble of her hand, and the clumsiness of it as Ellana’s tries to sheath her knife where she’s hidden it under her cape - tries and fails - worries her. Her anger turns cold in her chest at the way Ellana’s face softens when she steps forward to help. She looks so small and Cassandra wishes she can do something to make it easier for her. But she doesn’t know what.    
  
_ Maker _ she loves this stubborn woman, Cassandra thinks to herself as she falls into step beside her, following her deeper into the palace.

  
  


Their ambush in the garden and her silent conversation with Sera makes Cassandra realise two things. Firstly, whoever is behind the plans on Celene’s life is willing to kill one of the most visible women in Thedas to see their plans through. Secondly, is that after seeing Ellana narrowly miss being hit by the arrow - minutes after their previous toustle in the servants quarters - Cassandra realises that if anything happened to Ellana before they had the chance to clear the bad air between them she would never forgive herself.

After Sera leaves them Ellana walks further into the gardens, disappearing into a secluded alcove with a softly burbling water feature filling the silence that grows between them. 

Despite her lingering resentment at Ellana’s earlier words to her Cassandra feels herself soften as she watches her sit in quiet thought amongst the lattice and manicured topiaries. Spots like these are favoured by the court for trysts and backhanded dealings and it would be so easy for them to waste what little time they have getting lost in each others touch. 

Cassandra sighs as she takes the space beside Ellana on the bench, reaching for her hand. The tips of Ellana’s fingers are cold from the marble but the warmth of Cassandra’s skin chases away the chill. The tightness pulling at Ellana’s features seems to lessen as she strokes the soft skin on the inside of her wrist. 

She lets her worry show when she asks Ellana how she is. It was one thing to suspect that Ellana wasn’t holding herself together as well as she was trying to portray. But it was another to hear Ellana admit it to her out loud.

Ellana sees through her attempt to reassure her but it doesn’t matter. Not when she still manages to make Ellana smile with her honesty and familiar teasing. The urge to hold her - to offer her comfort - returns with a strength that surprises her. But it takes a backseat when Ellana surprises her by apologising to her.

Cassandra realises as she hears the sincerity of Ellana’s words that she’s not angry. Not anymore. But there is a hurt that lingers in her chest - somewhere between her ribs - that she knows will take more time to leave her. Hearing Ellana tell her that she knows that she never deserves to be on the receiving end of her temper is reassuring and they both agree that when this night is over that they have some important things to think about and discuss. 

“Will you spend the night with me?” Ellana looks so small and unsure of herself when she asks her. Cassandra wonders if it's because she thinks that she might not want to after everything that happened earlier that night. But nothing could be further from the truth. She’s missed waking up next to her the past week, and if she had to admit it her nights were restless and lonely without her warmth there beside her as she held her as she fell asleep every night. 

Cassandra’s collar feels too tight around her throat as she rubs her neck - unsure of how she can tell Ellana such a thing without feeling sentimental and foolish. Until she realises that it doesn’t matter. Realises that Ellana more than likely feels the same -  _ has _ had the same problem when she remembers that incident weeks ago with stolen pillows and shirts. 

“I haven’t been sleeping well either this past week,” Cassandra admits laughing softly, playing with the fingers that are entwined with her own. She almost loses her train of thought when Ellana starts to fiddle with the buttons on her coat, coyly trying to persuade her to spend the night with her once again. It's a battle that Cassandra already knows she’s lost - not that she really had much intention of fighting it in the first place - but Ellana doesn’t have to know that.

Ellana steps into her embrace eagerly when Cassandra offers her her open arms - almost clings to her, fingers no doubt creasing the dark blue velvet of her coat as she holds onto her waist. Cassandra really does wish they could just hide here for the rest of the night, hidden in this dim corner of the palace gardens. But some things are bigger than the both of them Cassandra muses as she kisses Ellana’s forehead, no matter how much they might wish they weren’t.

  
  
  


The hallways are quiet as she walks a pace behind Ellana. After their earlier skirmishes Cassandra is suspicious of every shifting shadow, of every whispered hiss just within earshot of her.

Ellana has been silent for most of the evening after their discussion in the garden, and she could see just how much the events of the night were wearing on her. She just wished that there was something in her power that she could do that would make things easier for her, but she knows that Leliana and Josephine would probably kill her if she used some of her usual responses to situations she found distasteful. After listening to that pompous nobleman blather on about the benefits of soup for longer than she cared to recall, they were lucky that she hadn’t. 

Lucky also that she hadn’t reacted when she had seen the expression on Ellana’s face when she found Cassandra being cornered by some drunkenly amorous noble - no doubt looking for his fifth wife. That was how Cassandra found herself now heading back to the main ballroom, Ellana in front of her walking with her back straight and her cape rippling behind her.

Cassandra barely has time to react when Ellana turns sharply into a room on her left, grabbing her arm as she walks past and dragging her in behind her.

“Ellana what are yo-” her words are cut off when she feels lips on her own, insistent, as she’s pushed into one of the shadowy corners that the Winter Palace is full of. If this was anywhere else at any other time she would enjoy this. But it's not, and she can’t. 

“We can’t,” Cassandra hisses, pushing Ellana away from her and keeping her at arms length just to be safe. “What if we’re seen?”   
  
“I know, and I’m sorry,” Ellana sighs, running a hand through her hair when Cassandra lets go of her shoulders.

The room they’re in seems to be a trophy room of some sort, with animals from all around Thedas taking up most of the large and open space. 

‘ _ Such a waste of life _ ’, Cassandra thinks to herself, curling her lip in distaste at the excess of it all. 

She begins walking around examining the paintings on the walls to give herself some distance from Ellana, and Ellana time to recompose herself.

She almosts misses it when she sees it at first, dismissing it as another painting depicting some hero long forgotten. But at second glance she realises what it is.

_ Shit _ . What was the chance that Ellana would even notice it? The footsteps she can hear approaching her tell her she’s about to find out.

“Oh that is a nice portrait,” Ellana says standing beside her. “And she’s so pretty and the pose is so dramatic. I love a good windswept heroine.” She sighs.

Cassandra remembers sitting for this stupid thing. It was at the Divine’s insistence so she couldn’t say no, but after two days of standing in that pose in full armor and holding a sword her whole body ached for days afterwards.

“You know, the more I look at her the more she looks familiar,” Ellana says quietly beside her. “Is that Seeker armour? Is it anyone you know?”

“We don’t all know each other Ellana,” Cassandra laughs softly.

She remembers the young woman she was back then. How unsure she felt about the future, and how in love she felt with Galyan at the time when everything was new and exciting between them. She had no idea what was in store for herself, but part of her wishes she could go back and tell herself that something so much better was waiting for her; she just had to let herself be open to it. More importantly she would let herself know that there was nothing wrong with the attraction she had felt for Margarite or any of her other fellow female Seekers. 

“She almost looks like  _ you _ ,” Ellana murmurs stepping forward to look at the plaque below the portrait.

The sound of her full name and title coming from from Ellana’s lips is pleasant in a way that Cassandra can’t describe. Maybe it's the way the syllables roll off of her tongue in the accent she loves so much. Maybe it's the smile she can hear in her voice when she discovers what her last unspoken middle names are and the respect that she gives to the weight of her titles. 

Maybe it's just Ellana, Cassandra reasons to herself.

“ _ Alana Theodora _ ,” Ellana grins looking at her and then back to the painting.“Look how gorgeous you were, and that  _ hair _ . The things I would have done to get your attention if we’d met back then,” Ellana sighs.

“Really?” Cassandra asks amused by the almost wistful expression on Ellana’s face.

“I wish,” Ellana snorts. “I think this was around the time - Creators I would have only been twelve? I would have been terrified of you.”

Cassandra’s interest is caught by Ellana’s vague statement and quick change of subject, but now isn’t the time to press her curiosity. Nor is it the time to think of Ellana in her youth, wondering what she was like, and if the woman she is now was foreshadowed in the child that she once was. 

Living nomadically was a life that she chose when she became a Seeker. But to be born into such a life? With nowhere to lay down solid roots? No safe harbour to call home when all else was lost? 

She can’t comprehend it. Respects Ellana even more because of it. 

“It's such a waste keeping this painting hidden away in the palace,” Ellana says with a thoughtful expression on her face. 

Cassandra knew her well enough to know that the other woman was likely planning something that she would rather not have a hand in. 

“Whatever you’re planning, keep me out of it,” Cassandra grumbles.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Ellana grins toothily. 

She’s clearly spent far too much time with Sera the months they were holed up in Skyhold. But then again, so had Cassandra. 

She wonders how Sera is fairing in the execution of Leliana’s plans - whatever they are. She had quickly learned when she and Leliana started working together that most of the time it was best not to know. 

“When all of this is over for the night, do you think you would like to dance with me?” Ellana asks, looking at her softly, a hopeful twist to her lips.

“I - don’t dance,” Cassandra mumbles lamely, disappointment itching in her chest when Ellana’s expression falls and her smile falters. 

The bells ringing out from the ballroom cut off any attempt Cassandra might have made to better explain herself.

  
  
  


Standing next to Leliana at the table that she has claimed for herself in the ballroom watching Ellana dance perfectly with Florianne, Cassandra regrets her earlier words.

She’s mesmerised by how graceful she is, as her longline coat and cape swirl around her as she almost glides around on the polished marble of the dancefloor. Rumours and the Orlesian court be damned, it would be an honour to dance with Ellana in such a place. 

“She moves gracefully no?” Leliana teases her quietly, nudging a goblet of wine in Cassandra’s direction with a pointed look.

“The cape was a nice touch,” Cassandra replies, not in the mood to rise to Leliana’s baiting in a room full of opportunistic parasites. 

“It was her idea.”

“Hmmm...” Cassandra hums in interest not taking her eyes off of Ellana. “I don’t trust her motives.” Cassandra mutters into her cup before taking a small sip. They still had more of the palace to explore and she wanted to keep her mind clear.

“Florianne? You’d be a fool to think her hands were clean. My agents have been hearing rumours of her being connected to shipments of red lyrium but have yet to turn up anything that sticks to her.”

“You think she-” Cassandra is cut off with a sharp look from Leliana.  _ Not here _ . 

“I hear you and The Inquisitor made a brief detour to the Hall of Heroes,” Leliana says changing the subject with a pointed look. 

“She thinks the portrait is wasted hidden away in a musty trophy room.”

“And I agree with her. Josie is making arrangements to have it shipped to Skyhold.”

“Ellana will be pleased,” Cassandra sighs. At least it wasn’t being stolen. 

“Of course you  _ could _ tell her.  _ Or _ ,” Leliana pauses here to emphasise her next words, “You could say nothing and let it be a surprise,” Leliana finishes with a smirk, draining what’s left of the wine in her cup.

She gets so few chances to surprise Ellana; despite all her training and years as a Seeker she is terrible at keeping secrets from the people she cares about.

“You know I’m terrible at keeping secrets,” Cassandra huffs.

“You’re also terrible at asking for what you want, but you’ve become quite proficient as of late. If nothing else, think of how much it will mean to Ellana to be surprised by such a thing?” Leliana suggests with a smile.

“You have a point,” Cassandra concedes. 

“If all goes to plan it will leave with us the day after tomorrow, and by the time you and the rest of the Inquisitor’s party have returned from your investigations in the Western Approach we will have found a home for it. Should we have it sent to your quarters?”   
  
“Maker no,” Cassandra groans. No doubt Ellana would love it. Cassandra can’t think of anything less awkward though.

Their conversation is cut off by the sound of applause - Ellana’s dance with Florianne is over and it looks like it was a success if the whispering hiss of gossip snaking around the room is anything to go by. In the commotion, the last Cassandra sees of Ellana is the tail of her cape as she is ushered outside by Celene’s handmaidens.

The rest of the night is a blind rush of adrenaline with secrets and double crossings revealed that shocked even her. 

Orlesians really need to find new pastimes that aren’t based in murder and blackmail Cassandra grumbles to herself.

What she hadn’t expected that night was for Celene not only to still be alive, but still be in possession of her throne at the end of it all. Florianne had been revealed as an agent of Corypheus, and whilst still alive, she was not entirely unscathed. After everything that had happened that night, the harlequins that appeared from the shadows to do Florianne’s bidding were the blade of grass that broke the druffalo’s back.

Whatever thin grip Ellana had on her patience for most of the night was finally severed, and after dealing with the rift in the courtyard Cassandra couldn’t blame her.

She only fired one arrow, but it was enough to draw blood and no one dared test the sincerity of her cold and measured words. Not even the opportunistic snake that was behind it all. Not when there was an arrow pointed right at her heart by one of the best archers in Thedas. It was all very dashing and no doubt it would be fodder for courtly intrigue until the next scandal came along in three weeks time. 

She doesn’t know why Ellana made the choices she did, but doesn’t doubt that it will be something they discuss on their long journey to the Western Approach. 

As well as the other more pressing issue between them. 

Cassandra stands with Cullen, neither of them feeling the need to say a word as they watch the constant stream of opportunistic nobles vying to be seen paying court to The Inquisitor now that she has proven herself to no longer be a barely tolerated oddity. As if Ellana could ever be such a thing. 

“Leeches,” Cullen grumbles into his goblet when they overhear a noble and his entourage discussing the marriage proposal they had just made for the Inquisitor’s hand. Cassandra bristles at the thought of it, grunting in agreement to Cullen’s words. 

It is much later when Josephine finally emerges alone from the balcony and walks towards them, smiling tiredly when Cassandra pushes the carafe of wine that she and Cullen had been sharing towards her.

“I think she could use a friendly face right now,” Josephine smiles softly at her. Josie was the youngest of all of Ellana’s advisors, but there was a wisdom and level-headedness to her that even career-long diplomats struggled to achieve. 

Leliana and Cullen may be the knife in the dark and the clenched fist of the Inquisition, but Josephine was well and truly the calm voice of reason.

It's all the hint Cassandra needs to go to her.

She finds her in the corner of the balcony, half hidden in the shadows of the lanterns and dim moonlight leaning on the marble bannister. She’s huddled in the cape she’s wrapped around herself in an effort to ward off the chill that is seeping into everything.

Cassandra doesn’t need to see her face to know the lines of worry and fatigue are there. It's clear in the way she curls in on herself trying to blend in with the scenery and go unnoticed.

“That was quite a night. How are you feeling?” Cassandra asks standing close enough for their arms to touch. The weight of Ellana as she leans into her side is a welcome one and Cassandra wants nothing more than to cradle Ellana in her arms and let her rest. 

She has done more than enough this evening; she deserved a few moments of selfishness and respite. As much as she wants to give that to her Cassandra knows there are too many prying eyes even here in the shadows. Although she had made a tentative promise to spend the night in Ellana’s suite back at the chateau the members of the Inquisition were staying in, it did not give Ellana the comfort she needed right now.

“Tired,” Ellana yawns, the heels of her palms rubbing her eyes as she inhales deeply.

“A shame,” Cassandra replies nonchalantly earning her a curious look from the weary woman beside her. “I was hoping that I could take you up on that offer for a dance?”

“I thought you said you didn’t dance?” Ellana asks, looking at her curiously.

“I can. I just… don’t like it,” Cassandra shrugs. “But how many opportunities will I get to dance in the Winter Palace with the woman I love?”   
  
Her words are bold, far more forward than they probably should be considering where they are and the tension from their earlier conversation. But it doesn’t matter to her. 

“When you put it that way, how can I refuse?” Ellana snorts, nudging her gently. 

The balcony looks over the valley below, and beyond the lanterns that light the gardens within the palace walls, pale lights glimmer in the distance. There is too much light to see the stars clearly but Cassandra can see the brightest of them shining in the inky night sky above them. If this was any other time or any other place it would be quite romantic Cassandra realises, filing the thought away for another night.

Cassandra steps away from the bannister - and the warmth of Ellana - offering her hand with a bow. The gesture earning her an affectionate hum from Ellana when she takes it, stepping into Cassandra’s arms and letting her take the lead.

Her smaller hand feels at home in her palm, as does the pressure of her hand against her waist. She laughs when she feels Ellana’s fingers stroking the soft velvet of her jacket but finds she wishes her touch was against her bare skin, tickling the line of her waist - something that Ellana was fond of doing ever since she found out how sensitive the skin there was; how Cassandra would flinch and gasp at her delicate touch.

There is no melody for them to follow but Cassandra doesn’t need one, content just to sway in lazy circles with Ellana in her arms. She can feel her relaxing against her as they move and she wants nothing more than to close the distance between them and finish the kiss that Ellana started earlier. But they can’t. 

So she spins her in her arms, marveling at the way her cape and the long tails of her coat twist around her like a tempest before settling like the calm after a storm. 

The surprised sound of her laughter is swallowed by the trees and the shadows that surround them. Cassandra twirls her again, feels the fabric that she has worn as armour all night kiss her thighs as Ellana stumbles against her, giddy and smiling. 

Her expression is soft, but this close she can see how tired she is. Can see the strain the nights events have taken on her in the bags under her eyes and the crease between her brow that makes the line of her Vallaslin look deeper and more pronounced. 

“I’m sorry for what I said earlier,” Ellana sighs.

“I know,” Cassandra replies squeezing her hand reassuringly. “We can discuss it later, but right now I think it best we retire for the evening,”

“That’s the best idea I’ve heard all night,” Ellana grins tiredly.

She steps out of her embrace letting her hand go with one last final squeeze before leaving the balcony, Cassandra falling into step behind her. 

They’re surrounded by guards on the ride back to the chateau, so conversation between the two of them is limited and they keep a respectable distance from each other.

The lead rider lights their way with a lantern and there are a few braziers that light the way along the path. The sound of moths darting towards the flames punctuates the sound of crickets off in the distance and the sound of their horses steps on the cobbled stone path.

Cassandra relaxes and sways with the movement of her horse, soothing him when she feels him bite against his bit and try to hasten his gait. She didn’t like being out in the open here either.

She was right about the view of the stars being clearer outside the palace walls though. She sighs when she looks up, marvelling at their beauty. It reminds her of one of the nights in Haven when she and Ellana were first starting to get to know each other better. A clear night much like this one when Ellana called her beautiful for the first time and Cassandra found herself at a loss for words because there was no way that she could deny her sincerity. 

“They’re almost as beautiful as you,” Ellana says quietly, loud enough so only she can hear it.

Like all those nights ago she turns to see Ellana watching the stars beside her. Her hair, a few inches longer now and loose from the braid it had been tied in all night still shimmers the same way in the dim light of the fires that light their way. There are new lines on her face now, and she knows there are new scars that mar her skin, but she realises that some things about the woman beside her will never change - like her honesty.

This time when she hears her say those words she actually believes her, and understands what she means. Not like the first time where she was so confused.

“You remember?”

“Of course I remember,” Ellana huffs. 

“It will be a relief to spend time on the road again after so long at Skyhold.” Cassandra sighs.

“Hmm, it will be nice to do something helpful again,” Ellana agrees quietly. 

After the night they’d had it's a relief to see the bright lights of the chateau appear through the trees as they come around the last bend in the road.

She laughs when she hears Ellana spur her horse into a canter and urges her own mount to move faster to follow her.

The full weight of her tiredness hits her after she dismounts and she is glad that no one but Ellana is around to see her stumble when she lands awkwardly on her feet. Everything feels too constricting and she can’t get out of this ridiculous dress uniform soon enough. 

Ellana doesn’t wait for her after handing both of their mounts to the waiting stable girl, giving her a few sovereigns for both her troubles and the lateness of the hour.    
  
All of Cassandra’s apprehension at joining Ellana in her guest quarters melts away as she watches her walk ahead of her, unpinning the rest of her hair. The sway of fabric is mesmerising as it moves with her body; Cassandra’s eyes linger on the strong line of her shoulders and her legs as she walks. The way the paleness of her hair stands out against the darkness of her uniform as she rakes her fingers through it - the waves and curls bouncing freely down her back. 

She wonders briefly what Ellana did with the ribbon that Cassandra gave her earlier that night until she sees it looped loosely around her wrist.

She’s too tired to do anything other than sleep but given the way that she can actually hear Ellana’s footsteps - a rare occurrence for someone as fleet footed as Ellana - she knows Ellana likely isn’t going to want to do much more than sleep either. Just the thought of a soft bed and warm blankets and an even warmer body beside her feels like it would be a gift from the Maker.

Cassandra trusts that Leliana will have Ellana’s room well guarded, especially this close to the palace so the only people that are likely to see them are people that she knows are trustworthy - and quite literally have her life in their hands.

The winding hallways feel like they go on forever but they finally make it to Ellana’s room and it's a relief to hear the decorative wooden door ‘click’ closed behind them. As if Josephine or Leliana knew their plans, Cassandra isn’t surprised to see that there are two armour stands in the room, one for each of them.

Cassandra sighs when she finally undoes the top button of the collar that has been making her neck itch the whole night, rolling her shoulders in relief at how much calmer it makes her feel to not have her throat so constricted. A slender hand stops her when she moves to the second and she’s taken aback at the tenderness in Ellana’s expression.

“Let me? I’ve been wanting to do this all night,” Ellana murmurs softly, green eyes looking at her through dark lashes.

Cassandra’s only answer is to let her hands drop from where they’re hovering over her collar. 

Ellana’s fingers graze her neck in a way that makes her sigh, and Cassandra feels herself swooning on her feet from something other than tiredness. Ellana helps her out of her jacket, setting it aside to help her remove the finely meshed chainmail shirt that she had been wearing all night. She finally feels like she can breathe properly after it's weight has been lifted from her shoulders. A short lived sensation when insistent fingers help her out of her linen undershirt.

“You’re hurt?” Ellana asks looking at her in concern. 

She knew she had taken a blow to her side in the last fight - she felt the bite of chainmail in her skin when the terror hit her - but she hadn’t thought it was that serious until she sees the angry red graze on her side and splotches of blood that weep from the open skin. 

“It's just a graze,” Cassandra shrugs, trying not to let Ellana see her discomfort as the cool night air stings the heated skin on her side.

“Uh huh,” Ellana replies sceptically, proving her point when she pokes Cassandra’s ribs - an action that earns her a pointed look when she hisses in discomfort. “And I thought you just hurt your wrist. Wait here.” Ellana instructs, leaving no room for Cassandra to argue.

She comes back with a damp cloth, a long length of linen and a pot of healing balm. Patching each other up feels like it's become a ritual between them as they’ve become closer. There are worse people to tend to her wounds Cassandra supposes, wincing as the damp cloth cleans her skin.

Ellana works quickly, and there is something about the sight of Ellana in all of her Inquisitor finery tending to her with such gentleness that… Cassandra can’t explain it. All she knows is it makes her feel both humbled and reassured. That underneath everything that Ellana is to everyone else she is still the woman she loves - the woman that loves  _ her _ with everything she is capable of giving Cassandra.   
  
Ellana pats her side gently after she finishes securing the linen around her waist, the familiar burn of the Elfroot becoming more noticeable as the healing balm gets to work healing her damaged skin.   
  
“Dual wielding is quite impressive,” Ellana murmurs, long fingers gently circling her wrist. She had felt the heavy blow that she blocked jar her wrist but hadn’t thought much of the ache that had lingered afterwards. She was used to fighting with a shield afterall, and whilst she was still skilled enough to use the fighting style from her youth after all these years she wasn’t as sharp as she once was.

“Bull will no doubt be disappointed that he missed out on seeing it,” Cassandra snorts. He hadn’t let the matter drop since she first told him about her preferred fighting style all those years ago. 

“I’m glad that I didn’t. You’re quite impressive,” Ellana smiles at her.

“Ow!” Cassandra protests when she feels fingertips digging into her skin. She knows Ellana is trying to be gentle but that doesn’t mean she is. In the dim light it's hard to see it clearly but the bruise that is growing around her wrist looks like it's going to be impressive. At least they had a few weeks of travel to the Western Approach for it to heal properly.

“It's not broken but I think you might have sprained it. Do you want me to wrap it for you?”

“Maybe tomorrow? After it swells?”

“Tomorrow,” Ellana agrees, resting her palms on Cassandra’s thighs above the top of her boots as she kneels between Cassandra’s legs . “I like these boots,” Ellana grins, her hands sliding down to the fastenings that run along the back of her calves. 

“Really? They’re so impractical for fighting,” Cassandra grumbles.

“I wasn’t really thinking about how practical they are,” Ellana says with a familiar look in her eye. A look that doesn’t really register until she feels nails scratching the back of her thigh. Even dulled by leather of her breeches the sensation is one that she knows quite well. 

“Oh.  _ Oh _ ,” Cassandra sighs, finally catching on to Ellana’s train of thought. “Really?”

“Do you want details or would you rather be surprised?” Ellana asks, undoing the fastenings and slipping off both of Cassandra’s boots. Her hands linger on her calves, squeezing the firm muscle.

“Give me something to look forward to?” Cassandra sighs, curious to know Ellana’s thoughts. It had been a little over a week since the last time that they’d made love and Cassandra finds that she misses the intimacy. Misses the feeling of satisfaction that comes from knowing how well she can please Ellana with just her touch.

“ _ You _ , in nothing but those boots on my desk.  _ Me _ , with your legs over my shoulders as I very thoroughly attend to some  _ very _ important urgent business that only the Inquisitor can be trusted to handle.”

Cassandra feels herself flush at Ellana’s words as she pictures the scenario in her mind. Wonders if she should tell Ellana about one of her own lingering fantasies involving her desk.

“Maker I have missed your touch this past week,” Cassandra admits quietly, her fingers reaching for the head of hair resting against the inside of her thigh. “Especially now when I look at you.”   
  
Ellana looks at her curiously, so Cassandra elaborates.

“You look so… handsome and dashing like this. If you saw the way that everyone else was looking at you tonight I…  _ maker _ you are stunning and you - you. Ellana -,” Cassandra laughs dryly at how spectacularly her words are failing her right now. “If you  _ happened _ to attend to your urgent Inquisitor business dressed like this? I would not complain,” She finishes lamely, fingering the length of chain holding Ellana’s cape secure. 

“Really?”

“Really,” Cassandra sighs. “Maker you are stunning and seeing you tonight I had to pinch myself a few times because of how lucky I am to have you.”

Ellana watches her for a moment with a soft expression on her face before she smiles, hiding her face in the inside of her thigh. 

“Looks like we both have something to look forward to when we return to Skyhold,” Ellana grins, shuffling forward on her knees and wrapping her arms around Cassandra’s waist. Ellana’s hair tickles her belly, and it reminds her of quiet nights in their quarters where Ellana falls asleep on her as Cassandra reads. She feels Ellana’s grip start to slip as she relaxes against her - the first sign that Ellana is beginning to lose her own battle against the fatigue that Cassandra knows she is feeling despite how well she has hidden it for most of the night.

“You need to get out of those clothes my love.” Cassandra says quietly, stroking her hair. She feels Ellana smile against her belly and Cassandra shakes her head, tugging on the long silver strands affectionately. “Not like that,” Cassandra huffs. 

“I know,” Ellana sighs, looking up at her. “But I’m comfortable here.”

“For now.” Cassandra knows that there is no making Ellana move if she doesn’t want to - not when she’s being as clingy as she currently is. She had only seen her this tired a few times before and whilst her stubbornness was endearing it was ultimately counterproductive so the only thing she could do was wait - for Ellana to act on her own or for her to fall asleep. Thought it was usually the latter.

“Alright,” Ellana grumbles as she gets to her feet, stumbling forward as she stands on the cape that has pooled beneath her heels.    
  
Cassandra reaches out to steady her, wincing at her weight pushing against her bruised wrist.    
  
“Stand still,” Cassandra instructs her reaching for the clasp holding the cape to Ellana’s shoulder, finally freeing her from the garment she knows has been bothering her all night. The weight of it is heavier than she expects as she tosses it over her shoulder, and continues with the task of undressing the fidgeting woman in front of her.

She reaches for the cravat around Ellana’s neck and pulls the silky material out of her collar with ease - not missing the way that Ellana’s eyelids flutter at the sensation of it dragging over the sensitive skin of her throat. After removing her coat Cassandra takes a moment to hang both of their clothes on the stands in the corner, leaving Ellana to remove the rest of her clothes on her own. 

She’s not surprised to feel slender arms snake around her waist, or warm lips between her shoulder blades, not with the way that Ellana has been looking at her all night when she thought she wasn’t paying attention. She saw how she looked at her in the garden earlier. Had felt it in the desperation of her kiss when she dragged her into the seclusion of the Hall of Heroes. Only now - in the privacy of this room - does she feel comfortable indulging in her own desire for Ellana. 

Ellana lets out a muffled yelp of surprise when Cassandra turns in her embrace and lifts her off her feet; carrying her over to the obscenely large bed that dominates half the room. 

“Hold on,” Cassandra instructs as she tries to turn down the bed linens with one hand.  _ How is it easier to do this whilst Ellana is asleep? _ Cassandra wonders to herself. Her question is answered by the lips teasing her ear and the arms around her neck - by the woman who laughs in surprise when she is unceremoniously dropped on the overstuffed bed.

“You’re worse than a baby drake,” Cassandra sighs as she settles beside her.

“Really?” Ellana asks with a grin, propping herself up to look at Cassandra.

“You can’t keep still,” Cassandra answers pulling Ellana on top of her, her fingers teasing the hem of Ellana’s shirt before she runs her hands up her sides under the thin garment. The familiar weight of Ellana as she rests between her thighs reassures -  _ comforts _ \- Cassandra in a way that she can’t really explain.

Cassandra can feel Ellana relaxing into her as her fingers stroke the sensitive skin of her back in patterns she doesn’t give much thought to. She smiles when she feels the length Ellana’s nose tease the column of her neck as she settles into a more comfortable position against her chest.

“I was so scared tonight,” Cassandra admits quietly, breaking the silence of the room. 

“Of what?” Ellana mumbles tiredly.

“When you fought with that assassin I was worried that things… were going to end badly,”

“For a moment there so did I,” Ellana says after a pause, propping herself up on one arm so she can look at Cassandra. “Though, the things you taught me helped, and I wouldn’t have stood a chance without the knife you gave me.”

She hadn’t thought of it that way.

“I may have given you what you needed, but the rest of it was all you,” Cassandra sighs, digging her fingers into Ellana’s waist. Her fingers skim over the scar that runs down the length of her right side and it stirs something in her, making her heart heavy.

“I don’t want to lose you my love,” Cassandra breathes, studying Ellana’s face.

“I’m not planning on going anywhere, so you’re stuck with me vhenan,” Ellana replies leaning forwards to kiss her softly, silencing any conversation between them for the rest of the night. 

  
  
  
  


  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank-you for reading :) Feedback is always appreciated.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellana has a nightmare and Cassandra offers her comfort and conversation in a place that's unfamiliar to both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ! ! ! ! PLEASE READ ! ! ! !
> 
> Please note that the beginning of this chapter deals with the events in Kirkwall where Ellana was attacked and stabbed by Templars. There are also mentions of sexual assault and non-consensual touching so if that is something that may be uncomfortable for you to read please feel free to skip it. Most of the dream sequence is in italics but I've marked the beginning and end with a line so just scroll down until you see that and read from there.

* * *

_ “Whats a pretty little knife-ear like you doing in a place like this? Body like that should be face down on a bed at the Rose.” _

_ “Don’t even need a bed. Let half the barracks fuck her into the dirt where she belongs and then open her up for the rats.” _

_ Two sets of sunken and bruised black eyes in shiny Templar armour watch her coldly in some piss filled passage in Kirkwall. They laugh and it's a hollow, tinny sound, bouncing off the stone walls of the alley, making them both seem more menacing than they are. _

It always starts like this, the memories and nightmares about that night in Kirkwall. She can still remember the smell of shit and stale ale on their breath as they closed in on her trying to trap her. She’d been in Kirkwall long enough to have heard the rumours about what Meredith’s men did for fun in the places they thought no one was watching. And Ellana had no intention of being one of those nameless faces. 

_ “We saw you with that other halla fucker, what are you up to?” _

_ She doesn’t answer. And the bigger one with the trembling hands of an addict too far from their last dose snaps, closing the distance between them with a quickness that betrays his size. He grabs her by the hair and roughly slams her head into the jagged stonework. Her vision darkens as she feels blood trickle down her neck into her collar. _

_ “Answer me you knife-eared cunt,” he hisses, spitting in her face. _

_ No one could know what she was doing. Not just because she would be killed for it. But because too many people relied on her and the work that she did. _

_ His grip on her hair starts to burn with pain, but still she refuses to speak. _

No matter how many times she revisits this memory in her dreams she never does. Holds fast to her tongue, even if sometimes she is tempted to give in and answer his questions, just to see if things might end differently. But they never do.

_ Sensing that she has no intention of replying the two Templars share a silent conversation and at that moment Ellana knows that they mean to make their earlier jests a reality. _

_ She doesn’t see the knife until it's too late. Wickedly sharp and no bigger than a skinning blade. _

_ He pauses when the other Templar speaks, the knife poised midair between their waists - glittering with promise in the dim light of the moon and lanterns the line the city streets. _

_ “Wait, remember what Knight-Captain Cullen said?” _

_ “Fuck Cullen the dog lord prick,” the first one gowls. _

Cullen.

_ He moves quickly, and Ellana feels the blade as it nicks her rib, the pull of the leather of her coat as he runs the blade right down her side stopping at her hip and pushing the blade in with a twist. _

_ Her teeth puncture her tongue and the metallic sweet taste of blood fills her mouth. She would rather choke than ever give him the satisfaction of hearing her grunt in pain, even as he twists the knife again, this time putting his body weight behind it. _

_ “Stubborn, this one,” he smirks. “My favourite kind.” _

_ The blood sticking to her side is warm, and she can feel it trickle down into the hem of her pants with each breath. _

_ She doesn’t flinch when a gauntleted hand grabs roughly between her legs, ignores the hot breath against her neck and the clumsy fingers that pull her hair. _

_ All she needed was them to think she wasn’t a threat. For them to let their guard down, give her an opening and that was all she needed to escape. _

_ If she told herself that enough times she might start to believe it. _

_ But on that evening, Mythal was feeling kind apparently. _

_ She doesn’t see the knee to the stomach coming, knocking the wind out of her and sending her crashing to her knees in the dirt and the blood. _

_ “We’ll give you a head start,” he laughs, kicking her over. “Get up you useless knife-ear,”   
  
  
_

* * *

  
  
The memory of heavy hands pulling out a chunk of her hair jolts Ellana awake. 

This place was wrong. She could feel it. Even in her panicked daze she knew this wasn’t the safety of Skyhold. This unfamiliar place and unfamiliar bed was _ wrong _ and she couldn’t stay here.

But there was something - _ someone _ \- important that lingered here. Something that soothed the burning in her side, reminded her the wound was healed and that the pain she felt wasn’t real. Not now.

Someone that even in sleep had sensed her growing panic it seems.

“Lana?” Cassandra mumbles groggily beside her, calming her instantly. She doesn’t resist when she feels insistent fingers on her waist, pulling her closer. “Bad dream?”

“Hmm,” Ellana hums. “I’m sorry if I woke you.”   
  
“Don’t. Want to help,” Cassandra slurs, her breath warm against Ellana’s temple.

“I know.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“No… I don’t know,” Ellana sighs, shifting closer. Cassandra hugs her tighter and slings her thigh over Ellana’s hip. Ellana doesn’t feel like she deserves the comfort Cassandra so easily gives her, but she’s glad that she’s there with her. 

Waking alone from those nightmares was always hard, but having Cassandra beside her makes the panic and phantom pains easier to manage. Easier to realise that they aren’t real, and that she’s not back in that alleyway in a time that feels like another life - scared and covered in her own blood, alone and hunted.

“I’m glad you’re here,” Ellana murmurs the thought somewhere into Cassandra’s collarbone, settling herself under the weight of Cassandra’s thigh.

“Always,” Cassandra replies, sounding more alert than she was moments earlier.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” Ellana jokes with a lightness she doesn’t quite feel. The urge to deflect from her true feelings not quite leaving her even in the safety of Cassandra’s arms apparently.

“You know what I mean,” Cassandra sighs, her thumb flexing against her waist absently.

“I do,” Ellana agrees quietly. “Sorry.” 

“Stop apologising,” Cassandra admonishes her softly. “I know you are. You don’t need to keep saying it.”

Cassandra never was one to mince words. It's one of the many reasons Ellana loved her after all.   
  
“Thank-you,” Ellana laughs softly.

“Oh?”

“For being _ you _,” 

“Who else would I be?”

It takes Ellana a moment to realise that she’s teasing her before clicking her tongue in annoyance. 

“Do you - do you remember Caer Oswin?” Ellana asks quietly.  
  
“Most of it? Although, admittedly some of it is a little hazy. Why?”

“Sometimes I dream of the morning that you wouldn’t wake. Of you being shot. Of your fever not breaking - the antidote never working. I don’t want to know how close we - _ I _ \- was to losing you those days.”   
  
“Is that what woke you?” Cassandra asks softly, the fingers on Ellana’s spine stilling in their motion. 

“No.” Ellana sighs heavily, weighing her next words carefully. She doesn’t know how to make sense of it in her own mind let alone speak it out loud to Cassandra. But if there's anyone that would understand it's Cassandra. Ellana’s just glad that she has the cover of darkness to shelter behind. 

“Earlier… with the assassin it - it bought back memories of the night - of the night I was attacked in Kirkwall. Of how helpless - how _ useless _ I was in that situation.”   
  
“You’ll never be useless Ellana.”

“I felt it though. Tonight especially.”

“So did I. It's unsettling that all I could do was watch you fight the assassin off.”

“You taught me everything I needed to know in the moment, so I’d say you helped,”  
  
“I don’t seem to remember teaching you how to stab someone in the heart though,” Cassandra chuckles darkly.   
  
“No that was my mother.” Ellana sighs. Her death, while an old wound still hurt to think about. Especially now that she had Cassandra in her life and she wasn’t there to share her happiness with. “And I’ve only ever done it while hunting.”

The air seems to settle for a moment between them, their conversation falling into a natural lull. Her mother and the memory of her that lived on within the members of her clan was the only thing she missed from her life before Kirkwall and the Inquisition. She still carried her in the strands of her hair - the colour of her own the same as her mothers, and the braids she wore the same that her mother had woven daily all those years ago. 

She still remembers her steady hand guiding her each time she picked up her bow. The lessons her mother had taught her passed on to Cassandra when she taught her how to use the bow that she had given her. 

She had been prepared to bear the markings of Andruil when it came time to take her Vallaslin. But her mother and her Keeper had insisted on Mythal as if they knew that she would find herself in the position that she was in now. That she would need her wisdom and guidance for the choices and judgements she was expected to make.   
  
Her memory is the most precious thing that she has. But even now little things about her have started to fade. Some days she forgets the sound of her laugh - soft and warm, full of the affection that she had for her. She remembers how warm she always was - like there was a fire burning inside her - even if the memory of her embrace has faded to little more than a tingle in her fingertips.

“Would you tell me about her?” Cassandra asks quietly, pulling Ellana out of her thoughts.

“Soon,” Ellana hears herself say. She feels bad for being so unwilling to talk about her mother, especially after Cassandra has told her so much about Anthony. And to an extent Galyan she supposes. But of all people, Cassandra is possibly the only person that she is close to that would completely understand her hesitation. 

Ellana feels the tension seep into Cassandra’s body when she hums quietly in reply.

“Not here. I’ll tell you everything you want to know about her, just not here,” Ellana sighs. She didn’t trust this place. 

“Understandable,” Cassandra murmurs, softening. 

“Do you ever worry that one day you’ll forget the sound of Anthony’s laughter?”  
  
“I… yes,” Cassandra breathes. “Sometimes I think I have. Then I see something that reminds me of him and it all comes flooding back. His laugh, The things we shared. That night with the blueberry pastries helped me more than you could ever know. I remembered things that I hadn’t thought about in years.”

Ellana’s curiosity is piqued at Cassandra’s words and she wants to know more, but doesn’t know how to ask. Wants to, if only to keep the nightmares at bay, avoid sleep just a little bit longer. 

“I remembered the last time we’d shared them. He had just come back from Hunter Fell and we spent the entire evening laughing as he told me about his adventures. It - he was… he was killed right in front me a week later.”

Cassandra had never told her that. It's really the only details that she’s ever given her about how he died. It's a shock, and Ellana feels like the air has stilled in her lungs. Like she’s forgotten how to breathe. It's so similar to her own experience with how her mother was killed. Some nights she still remembers the sound of burning aravels and trees. The smell of burning cloth and flesh, pungent and rank. The last memory of her mother is the sound of her voice - guttural and hoarse as she told her to run, to hide from the Templars and Chevaliers that were destroying their camp. 

The ring of a sword as it cut sharply through the air and a heavy thud told her her mother was gone. She ran until the soles of her feet started to bleed, her heart screaming with grief, her lungs burning from the smoke and the sobs she held back with an iron will. She missed the girl she once was. The girl she stopped being the moment she knew her mother had been stolen from her. She wonders if Cassandra felt the same?  
  
“You never mentioned that,” Ellana murmurs, shifting restlessly. She wants to offer Cassandra her condolences but she knows that they will mean little to her. She was too practical and too proud to be pitied for circumstances beyond her control.

“I didn’t?” Cassandra frowns. “Oh. It's not something I ever meant to hide. It's something that just… _ is _. I’ve never really liked talking about it,” she finishes with a sigh.

“I’m sorry that it happened to you so young. Witnessing the death of someone you love changes you,” Ellana admits quietly. “Do you ever miss the girl you were before it happened?”

“I… it's difficult to say,” Cassandra replies after a brief pause. “Sometimes I wonder what I might have been like if things had been different. But if they were would I have made the same choices? Even though there are some that I regret they have made me who I am today. If things had gone differently I might never have met you and that version of me would always live feeling like there was something that was… _ off _ about her. You’ve helped me in so many ways Lana... “ Cassandra trails off with a sigh. 

Even in the quiet of the darkness, Ellana can feel Cassandra’s mind racing beside her. She wants to ask Cassandra what troubles her, but doesn’t want to push given how tender what they were talking about was for the both of them. There was something about the chateau that they were staying in that made Ellana feel cold. Maybe because it was so unfamiliar. Or because the fireplace was tucked away on the other side of the room. Whatever it is it unsettles her and she pulls the blankets higher up her shoulder, the decorative fabric itching against her neck.

_ Of course Orlesians don’t believe in being comfortable, even in bed _ Ellana grumbles to herself with a sigh.

“That morning at the waterfall,” Cassandra starts quietly, pulling her closer. “I never got to say goodbye to either of them - not properly at least. It was nice to be able to do something, even if it was just for me.”  
  
“I’m just glad I could help you get the closure that you needed,” Ellana yawns, finally feeling tiredness trying to claim her again. This time she hopes that the nightmares grant her respite though. The last thing she wants is to begin the long journey to the Western Approach in a foul mood and with a sore head.

“It was everything I’d needed. It gave me a peace that I had been searching for for so long,” Cassandra sighs. “Though right now it would bring me peace to see you _ rest _ before we leave for the West tomorrow.

Ellana knows a lost argument when she sees one.

“You always think I need rest,” Ellana grumbles half-heartedly. 

“Someone needs to make sure you're looking after yourself properly,” Cassandra sighs, tugging on a loose curl of hair. 

Ellana kisses the corner of Cassandra's mouth softly, the skin warm and welcoming beneath her lips. 

“I'm glad that you do,” Ellana whispers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An encounter with Leliana and Josephine leads to chance purchases and unexpected conversations for Ellana.

Ellana is glad after the night before that she can leave the palace unnoticed, even as the most talked about woman in Orlais.

And after the quiet admissions that she and Cassandra had shared in the dark and early hours, she was feeling tenderhearted and needed a few moments to herself to just be. 

She left Cassandra to her devotions telling her that she wanted to look at some of the stores in the market that they had passed on their way to the palace.

Which was true for the most part.

She had spied a bookstore, and she wanted to see if there was anything in there that Cassandra might like. But none of the poetry grabbed her attention or was about what she wanted to express so she gave up and was wandering the market when she came up to a store that gave her a moment’s hesitation before entering.

“It can’t hurt to look” she mutters to herself under her breath.

She was overwhelmed by the sickly sweet smell of the shop, which no doubt was the current fashion in Orlais.

As well as the walls lined with ridiculously impractical intimate garments. Between the frills and the lace, Ellana wasn’t exactly sure what purpose half these items served from a practical standpoint - but maybe that wasn’t the point?

Most of these she would never dream of wearing, and snorts at the thought of Cassandra wearing any of them - though she suspects her glare would silence any suggestion - she sees a few items she honestly wouldn’t mind seeing Cassandra wearing, and then eventually removing with utmost care and devotion.

It was all ridiculously  _ Orlesian  _ Ellana felt and couldn’t see what was wrong with just being naked if one wanted to seduce their lover, instead of going to the effort of putting something on that was just going to be taken off anyway. Afterall, Ellana has a particularly fond memory of Cassandra discovering that she had spent an evening wining and dining nobles -  _ practice _ , Josephine had told her - with no underthings on, beside her the entire time.

Ellana is having particularly interesting thoughts about how the delicate silk ensemble in front of her would feel in contrast to the firmness of Cassandra’s muscles, would feel as the only thing between the two of them. How the deep green would look against the richness of Cassandra’s skin, the delicate flowers embroidered in random patterns the perfect metaphor for the softness that is Cassandra, despite how well she hides it - when she is interrupted by two people that she had not expected -  _ hoped  _ \- to encounter in such a place. 

“I would not have ever thought to find you in a place such as this  _ Ellana _ ,” Leliana says her softly accented voice wrapping around her like silk, breaking her train of thought. Ellana can feel herself turning red but is thankful that Leliana didn’t use her title.

“I was curious I guess? Not that I ever would - or that Cassandra - I… just wanted to look,” Ellana stammers finishing with an awkward shrug, rubbing her neck self consciously.

She feels like an idiot really, surrounded by things that are so unfamiliar to her and her culture, with two women that ooze an easy level of sensuality that she never could. 

“Oh hush Leliana,” Josephine admonishes her softly “We saw you come in here and wondered if we could be of any assistance, considering that human courtship rules are still new for you,”

It's something that she hasn’t wanted to admit to Cassandra, and though she has appreciated some of the more traditional Dalish customs that Ellana has shown her, part of Ellana has wanted to do something that Cassandra is more familiar with - flowers and poetry notwithstanding - something that she doesn’t have to explain the meaning of and why it's significant. 

Even being Dalish Ellana understood the significance of most of the things Cassandra had done for her. Though the discovery that it was a Pentaghast family tradition to give an item carved of dragon bone to your betrothed was a pleasant surprise and spoke volumes of the commitment that Cassandra was willing to make in their relationship, even so early on.

Not to mention everything that the dragon tooth pendant currently nestled safely between the layers of her clothes meant to the two of them.

“Thank-you,” Ellana replies to Josephine, smiling softly at her in return. “Though it's probably a silly thing for me to be here anyway, I doubt even I could get Cassandra to wear any of these things even if I tried.”

“I think you underestimate the lengths that Cassandra is willing to go to just to see you happy,” Leliana replies cryptically, leaving Ellana wondering if she’s unwittingly left herself open to interrogation to one of the most well known - and  _ feared _ \- spymasters in all of Thedas.

Ellana doesn’t miss the pointed look Josephine gives Leliana.

“You were quite interested in these when we came in,” Josephine says softly, gently redirecting the conversation.

“Yes,” Ellana sighs wistfully, thinking back to her imaginings from earlier “The green would look lovely against her skin, and the flowers - they reminded me of how soft, how delicate she is when it comes to matters of intimacy. But… I don’t really think she would like them,” Ellana finishes with a shrug. 

“What about you? Is there anything here that catches your attention, if you feel that Cassandra has no interest in any of these, why not satisfy your own curiosity and get something for yourself?” Leliana suggests.

It's a fair point, Ellana has to admit, and she casually keeps looking at the items on display until one catches her eye.

It's a simple-looking thing, mostly just thin strips of supple-looking leather and some kind of finely spun translucent flesh coloured fabric. It almost looks like a corset, but it covers everything and is held up by thin shoulder straps. The thing that really catches her eye is the simplicity, the thin bands look like they would accentuate her minimal curves perfectly, and lead the eye down to where she would want Cassandra’s attention most - always  _ will _ want her attention, if she had to admit it. It reminds her of the smooth lines of her Vallaslin and even if she would never wear it Ellana can’t help but admit that she  _ wants _ it simply because she imagines that she would feel good in it. 

“An excellent choice  _ Ellana _ ,” Leliana’s voice startles her, unexpectedly close to her ear.

“Oh yes it really is lovely, and made from such beautifully crafted materials,” Josephine agrees from her other side.

And Ellana all but has her suspicions confirmed that this is some kind of intervention.

“You know I find it hard to believe that you two just  _ happened  _ to see me come in here unless you were intending to come here for your own purposes,” Ellana says, stepping back so that she can see the pair of them, arms crossed.

“I told you she would figure it out,” Josephine sighs, giving Leliana an exasperated look. 

“Yes, I knew she would too, but has she figured out why Josie?” Leliana asks, almost sounding smug.

“I’m just going to assume it has something to do with Cassandra and you needed to do it somewhere where one, she wouldn’t think to look for me and two, somewhere that caters for discretion,” Ellana replies sharply, counting the reasons on her fingers with a pointed look. 

“Clever girl,” Leliana grins at her. If it were anyone else, Ellana would think it innocent enough but knowing Leliana’s reputation, her teeth were sharp and her words were intended to lull her into a false sense of security - and had almost succeeded. 

“Cassandra is a very dear friend to me Inquisitor, so you must understand where I am coming from,”

“And if this were to become common knowledge it could make her a target to get to you, which is not ideal for either you  _ or _ the Inquisition. There are some of a more conservative nature that would hold such knowledge against us as well” Josephine finishes.

So she knows why they’re both here and if it were anyone else on the receiving end it would be amusing, but the two women before her have the power to make networks and noble houses fall with the right signature or name whispered in someone's ear, so naturally Ellana is terrified, though smart enough to know not to show it. 

“You both know that I care for her, and that that day on the battlements is one that I would rather forget,  _ and _ that I would be lying if I said that I didn’t have moments of doubt. That Cassandra will realise she was right the first time,” Ellana says giving them both pointed looks.

“And you also know how she would react to finding out that we are having this conversation right now  _ and _ how she would feel knowing that you feel the need to step in to protect her from her own decisions, yes?”

At this Leliana and Josephine share a pointed look, though Ellana has no idea of the words that are silently being said between them.

“She would not like it no,” Leliana agrees. “But for my own peace of mind, tell me this, where do you see your relationship headed, after all this? Now?”

“If we survive Corypheus? I would hope that Cassandra is free to choose what she wants to do, be it serving the new Divine or rebuilding the Seekers, whatever she chooses, I will support her wholeheartedly. Right now? I just hope to love her the best that I can in the time that we have been given, even if we don’t know what our future holds,”

“And if the rumours that Cassandra and I are being considered for the new Divine? What will you do if she is the one that's chosen?”

“She would be excellent but something that we haven’t discussed, though no doubt we will have to in the coming months. I will do what she feels is best and if that means I will have to let her go, I would, even if it would break me.” 

“That’s very noble of you I must say,” Leliana muses. 

“And quite romantic, if tragic,” Josephine sighs.

“Is that all you wanted to know?” Ellana asks, feeling unbalanced after the direction their conversation has taken.

“No, I think I know what I need to know, well, had my thoughts about you proven to be true. You are both lucky to have each other in these trying times. I don’t know what I would give to have Sophia with me by my side,” Leliana smiles at her sadly, and Ellana sees her for how young she is under the weight of her  _ Nightingale _ persona.

“Though if I have to make a suggestion? Buy the one you like, I’m sure Cassandra’s reaction will surprise you. And also, whilst you’re here and open to new things, might I suggest one of these?”

Ellana blushes when she sees what Leliana is referring to. A whole table of phallic like items of various sizes and shapes. Beside them are some kind of harness and she knows enough to figure out what they are for. She hadn’t thought much about any of this sort of thing, perfectly content with the sex that they both had but, maybe this could be something that they both try together? Ellana knew that Cassandra had slept with men before but hadn’t spoken much of what the experience was like. 

Though, Ellana reasons to herself, there was something about the idea of using one of these with Cassandra that was intriguing, and she kind of liked the idea of being in a position of power over Cassandra, inside of her further than she could ever hope to reach with her fingers alone. 

But the idea of being pinned down and Cassandra thrusting deep within her, Ellana completely at her mercy as she fucked her was something she liked the idea of even more, and was glad that her previous embarrassment at Leliana’s suggestion can be partly to blame for the flush she can feel spreading across her cheeks.

“I suggest something smaller if you intend to use it as well. It takes some time to become comfortable making love in such a way,” Leliana says quietly beside her, a knowing smirk on her lips. 

“I - thank-you,” Ellana flushes, suspecting that Leliana is speaking from experience.

“And Ellana? Don’t worry too much about things in the future, appreciate the time you have. Surprise her, I think she will enjoy it more than you realise.”

With those final words Leliana and Josephine take their leave. After some consideration Ellana chooses two of the carefully crafted dildos, one that she wants to try and one she thinks Cassandra might like. She also grabs the delicate lingerie that she liked, but after some consideration decides not to get the set that she liked for Cassandra, not sure how she would react despite Leliana’s words.

The shopkeeper is discrete, which she appreciates and she quickly makes her way back to the palace with her purchases, thankful that Cassandra is still off taking care of the things she needed to.

The nights they have spent apart have taken their toll on her and Ellana is thankful that she at least had the previous night with Cassandra, despite the fact that she itches to make love to her. For two weeks the pair have shared little more than a few heated kisses and wandering hands, a frustration that currently isn’t helped by the knowledge of what she has stowed securely in the bottom of her luggage. Or the memory of the sight of Cassandra in her dress uniform the night before. Maybe she could convince her to wear it for her when they finally return home? She already knew how Cassandra felt about her own dress uniform. Ellana files the thought away for later though, as something to think about, and something to look forward to when they finally make it back to Skyhold. 

She hadn’t wanted to linger here after the night of the peace talks so she and her main party were leaving for the Western Approach a little after mid-morning. She just hopes that the hope of something to look forward to is enough to get her through the coming months away from the only other place - besides Cassandra - that feels like home. 

Her train of thought is interrupted by the door to her palace rooms closing, and she recognises the footsteps of Cassandra’s armoured boots coming towards her, as if summoned by her thoughts.

“Did you find anything interesting?” Cassandra asks her, not looking up as she removes one of her vambraces.

“Nothing really caught my eye unfortunately,” Ellana sighs, hating having to lie but wanting things to be a surprise for the both of them. 

Ellana moves across the room to help Cassandra remove the armour from her other arm, drawing her into a kiss when she is done. She savours the feel of her warmth beneath her fingertips and when they pull apart, how well her small stature fits against Cassandra as she holds her in her arms.

“That’s interesting because when I returned to my rooms there was a package with a rather interesting note waiting for me on my bed,”

Ellana steps back with a frown not knowing what Cassandra means, her confusion growing when she sees a package identical to the one she bought earlier sitting neatly on the table near the entrance of her rooms.

Her confusion deepens when Cassandra passes her a note written in Leliana’s familiar hand

_ Prove her wrong Rider _

_ -N  _

“Rider?” Ellana asks in confusion, hoping to buy herself some time to come up with an explanation. 

“Leliana always insisted on code names in our correspondence when we were serving the Divine,” Cassandra sighs “Though it has been a long time since she has felt the need to use them with me.”

“Did you open it?”

“Yes. But I thought it must have been some kind of mistake and was hoping you might know something more. Because  _ hopefully _ only you would know why Leliana has decided to send me such…  _ intimate  _ items,”

_ Oh no. _ Ellana worries internally. What has Leliana done and how has she gotten her involved in this? She  _ knew _ she shouldn't have set foot in that store, no matter how curious she was. 

“Can I see?” Ellana asks, voice small wondering how she can explain that morning's events when she herself is still so confused by them.

Ellana watches as Cassandra walks over to retrieve the box in question, passing it to her when she returns, watching Ellana’s face closely as she opens it.

_ Shit _ it's just what she feared, the beautiful soft set that she had been admiring, wondering what they would look like on Cassandra is in the box in front of her, and Ellana isn’t sure if she’s impressed by Leliana’s boldness, or annoyed that she’s done such a thing.

“I couldn’t find anything that I liked in any of the bookstores, or anything I thought you’d like,” Ellana sighs “and I saw one of those shops that sells these things and… well I was curious, so I decided to have a look.”

It feels embarrassing to admit, even to Cassandra.

“I mean some things in there were really nice but I didn’t think you’d be interested in wearing any of it because it was all so…. frilly and completely not you, but - I saw those and I couldn’t help but wonder what you would look like in them for various reasons, and well, that was when Leliana and Josephine cornered me and I  _ think _ tried to give me some kind of protective big sister speech - do you know how much power those two have? And how terrifying they are together? And they work for  _ me _ ?”

Ellana knows she’s rambling but she can’t help it. How exactly does one tell the person they love that they saw something that made you think of them, or more specifically, you saw something that made you wonder how quickly you could get them out of it so that you could bury your face between their legs?

“You wanted to see how good I looked,” Cassandra asks slowly, mulling over the words as she speaks, “But you didn’t think I would be interested? Oh Ellana surely you know by now I would at least think about it if you asked?”

“That’s the thing though isn’t it? I want you to do it because  _ you _ want to, not just because you think it would make me happy,” Ellana sighs. “I should - I bought some other things as well while we’re on the subject,”

Ellana moves over to her pack, digging out one of the glass items from where she's hidden them in one of the side pockets of her bag.

“Now I understand if you don’t want to but I must admit I kind of like the idea of you using one of these on me but only if you’re willing of course, but I kind of thought this might be fun? I don’t know, I really shouldn’t have listened to Leliana…” Ellana trails off sighing, watching Cassandra apprehensively as she hands her the object.

Ellana waits as Cassandra turns the thing over in her hands, studying it before setting it down on the table beside her.

“I thought that I was… satisfying in bed?” It's only because she knows her so well that Ellana can hear the self-doubt in Cassandra’s voice, barely there, but it makes Ellana wince anyway.

“You are, you really  _ really _ are,” Ellana says, reaching out to grab Cassandra’s hands, squeezing them reassuringly, “But - oh this is embarrassing to admit even to you - I think I like the idea of you pinning me down and  _ fucking me _ . Creators, it's been too long already,”   
  
For once she can’t read Cassandra’s face after her admission, and Ellana worries that she may have overstepped some unspoken boundary between the two of them. 

“It's been two weeks,”

“It's been a very  _ long _ two weeks Cassandra, remember what happened last time” Ellana sighs in exasperation.

“I seem to remember you stealing not only my favourite shirt but also my only pillow,” Cassandra smiles, still something that amuses her even though it had happened weeks ago. 

“Well, it's not like you  _ need _ your bedclothes anymore,”

“True. Though this was Leliana’s idea you said?”

“Yes. Why?”

“I never said anything but I think she always knew that most of the time the intimacy….  _ sex _ I was having with Galyan wasn't always as fulfilling as I had hoped and was always telling me I deserved my own pleasure. That I deserved better, a partner that enjoyed pleasing me and gave back as much as they took.” 

Cassandra sighs, rubbing the side of her face. Watching as she tries to gather her thoughts Ellana wants nothing more than to divert the topic of conversation to something easier, just so she doesn’t have to watch Cassandra struggle to find the right words to explain how she feels. 

But she knows that Cassandra wouldn’t hear of it. Even if she wants nothing more than to kiss the crease between her brow away. So she waits patiently, watching the thoughtful expression on her face. The way her tongue darts out to wet her lips before she speaks.

“But even though it hasn't been that long,” Cassandra starts hesitantly, “The intimacy - what I share with you has been - has been more than I could ever know how to ask for. More than I sometimes think that I deserve,” 

Cassandra silences the protest ready on her lips with a pointed look. 

“I only say that because I have never felt so  _ cherished _ or loved until I met you,” Cassandra says, stepping closer to her, and Ellana feels the edge of the table in the small of her back, a cold contrast to the warmth of Cassandra against her hips.    
  
“It feels …  _ good _ to be wanted, and desired and cared for,” Cassandra murmurs, grabbing Ellana’s waist and lifting her onto the edge of the table behind her, stepping into the space between her legs before she continues. 

“And I think I finally understand what she’s meant all these years, and I have to say that I agree with her.”

“Is that so?” Ellana asks with a grin. Playful Cassandra was always enjoyable, and after the night that they shared, it was nice to have a moment of normalcy just for themselves. 

“I would very much like to kiss you,” Cassandra murmurs, her breath hot against Ellana’s cheek.

“Then you probably should ma vhenan,” Ellana replies. Her eyes close when she feels hands slide confidently down her arms, guiding her hands to rest on Cassandra’s hips before gently cupping her neck.

Cassandra’s tenderness feels like a seduction, and Ellana lets loose a breathy sigh when their lips finally meet. She’d missed this, being the sole focus of Cassandra’s attention. All she can do is anchor herself with the grip on her hips as Cassandra takes the lead, kissing her intently. Cassandra’s hands slide from her neck and start to tease and caress the sensitive skin and soft hair behind her ear before moving on. Ellana sighs when she feels nimble fingers fiddle with the collar of her shirt pulling her even closer.

She doesn’t know whats gotten Cassandra in such a mood, but Ellana isn’t about to complain. Ellana felt like she was being seduced, and perhaps she was with how confidently Cassandra was touching her. All of the tension that had been weighing on her after her nightmare earlier that morning seems to melt away with each touch and caress, and she groans in delight when she feels Cassandra knead her chest.

Ellana runs her foot up the back of Cassandra’s thigh, laughing softly when she feels Cassandra lean into her. Pulling away Ellana rests her forehead against Cassandra’s, the shared air curling between them warm and sweet as they both try to catch their breath.    
  
“I’ve missed this,” Ellana murmurs, kissing the strong bridge of Cassandra’s nose.

“You were right, it's been a while since we’ve had time just to ourselves,” Cassandra replies quietly. Ellana can’t see it but she can feel the smile that curves Cassandra’s lips with soft affection. 

“It's been two weeks,” Ellana grins softly, echoing Cassandra’s words from the night before as she fiddles with the hair at the nape of Cassandra’s neck. 

“And it will be even longer if you delay the start of your journey beyond mid-morning,” Leliana’s lilting voice calls out from across the room.

_ Shit _ . 

_ There goes any chance of anything more _ Ellana grumbles to herself, shifting uncomfortably on the table. Trying to ignore the heat between her legs she buries her face in the crook of Cassandra’s neck in embarrassment. She feels like an admonished child getting caught doing the wrong thing instead of a grown woman sharing an intimate moment alone with the woman she loves.

But at least it was Leliana, and not anyone else that had walked in on them in what was well on the way to being a compromising position she reasons to herself.

“How long were you waiting there?” Cassandra grumbles, running a soothing hand down Ellana’s back. A gesture that would normally bring comfort, but now just serves to remind Ellana how aroused she is when Cassandra’s hand lingers in the small of her back, stroking soft circles against her skin where the fabric of her shirt has ridden up. 

“I knocked first. But The Inquisitor didn’t answer, now I see she was attending to a pressing personal matter,” Ellana can hear the grin in the red-headed woman's voice, and if it was happening to someone other than her she would see the amusement in the situation. But now it just feeds into the frustration growing in her chest, souring her good mood.

“We will be leaving within the hour, try not to be late,” Leliana’s voice calls out from across the room moving away from them. Ellana hears the door click closed and the room is silent once more.

Ellana sighs in frustration before looking up at Cassandra. She can see the same frustration in the dark-eyed gaze that watches her softly and knows that she is not alone in wanting something more intimate before weeks on the road.

“I don’t suppose -” Ellana starts hopefully before being interrupted.

“No my love,” Cassandra chuckles warmly as she steps out of Ellana’s embrace leaving her cold.

“I suppose you’re right vhenan,” Ellana sighs, running fingers through her hair in frustration.

Things would have to wait, but Ellana wasn’t sure how long she could hold onto hope and memory in the absence of privacy knowing that the woman she loved was right beside her. Right beside her and wanting her just as much as she did.

They hadn’t discussed how their relationship would work since things had changed between them, but with long days travelling ahead of them they had plenty of time to talk things out. Long days and even longer nights beside each other in the dark wanting to touch each other but not being able to because tent walls are thin and she doubts that either of them can be quiet enough during sex and not keep their companions awake for half the night - not when they had gone so long without - even if they wanted to. 

Dwelling on such thoughts only serves to make Ellana more frustrated than she already is. She calms herself with a deep breath and a small smile at Cassandra. Kisses her one last time with the promise of meeting her in the stables ready to depart.

Ellana knows the coming months will test them. Test  _ her _ . But the journey home holds promise, she just hopes it's enough to get her through. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :)


	5. Chapter 5

“I spy with my little eye something that starts with ‘G’” Sera yells. Yells with the same enthusiasm as she did hours ago when they started this pointless game Cassandra notes irritably. 

They’d been riding since dawn, Cassandra taking up the rear of the party watching everyone from a distance. Ellana had been quieter than usual for most of the morning, only chiming in a few times in Sera’s games.

Cassandra suspected that Ellana was just as frustrated as she was that they were too exhausted each night to do anything more than share soft tired kisses. Ellana’s sleep was disrupted by troubling dreams most nights - dreams she refused to speak of - and it worried Cassandra that Ellana wasn’t getting the rest that she clearly needed. And that worry turned to helplessness because there was nothing that she could do besides hold and comfort her in the quietness of the dark. Every instinct in her body screamed  _ protect _ but how could she protect her from something that she couldn’t even see? That wasn’t even real?

If she could carry the weight of being Inquisitor for Ellana she would in a heartbeat. But she couldn’t. The best she could do was give Ellana support in whatever way she could. But was that enough?

The noise of the conversation in front of her drifts over, pulling her from her thoughts. Everyone’s guesses for Sera’s game were wrong by the sound of things, and she smiles softly to herself when she hears Ellana laugh, clear in the bright midday sun. Her messy braid sways with each step of her horse and after so many months cooped up within the walls of Skyhold it was satisfying to see Ellana looking more like herself.

Ellana laughs again at something Varric has said beside her earning them both a vulgar hand gesture from Sera. Ellana laughs even louder, and Cassandra finds herself wishing that she was part of whatever it was they were joking about.

More than that. She wants to kiss her. She has for days. Wants to kiss her the way she does when it's just them alone. Wants to show her devotion, openly and unafraid with the sun warm against their skin - no shadows to hide behind. At this point, she doesn’t even care who sees them. Let them be scandalised. 

Her thoughts return to the morning that they left Halamshiral, to the items that Ellana has surprised her with. The lacy garments that Leliana had bought, meddling in her usual well-intentioned way. It was beautiful, the deep green lace with delicately embroidered flowers in a glittering thread. No doubt it had cost far too much, but Cassandra had to agree with Ellana. She would look good in it. And it would be well worth wearing just to see Ellana’s reaction. She wonders briefly if Ellana had bought anything else for herself, but if she had, Cassandra wants to be surprised by it.

She shifts in her saddle as warmth sweeps through her body when she thinks about how willing Ellana had been that morning. She was right. She always was when it came to intimacy. Two weeks was a long time when they’d both become so used to spending every night together. And all those feelings that she had almost managed to box away came spilling forth. She wanted Ellana, she missed being intimate with her and if she was quick she could give them something that they both wanted. And she almost saw it through - was moments away from kneeling between the altar of Ellana’s thighs and paying tribute to the lust that burned between them like a flame.

But after being interrupted by Leliana she had lost her nerve. Now when she sees the longing in Ellana’s gaze each time she catches her watching her she wishes that she had, because the tension was becoming unbearable. 

“Just tell us Sera,” Ellana says, an edge to her voice betraying her exasperation. 

“Grumpy Seeker innit,” Sera cackles “look at her, all dark and moody behind us like someone stole all her sunshine.”

Cassandra feels herself scowl as Ellana stiffens at Sera’s laughter. She can’t hear what she says but they become quiet and the only sound is the wind and heavy fall of horses hooves on the solid earth. 

Had Ellana spoken up on her behalf? It’s not unexpected given the nature of their relationship, but still, it was something that she had never had before. Not that she had ever needed it, the opinions others had about her weren’t her responsibility to live up to. But knowing that there was someone willing to speak up on her behalf? It was comforting.

Her injured wrist twinges from the long days of riding, and she flexes her hand to help the blood flow return to the tips of her fingers.

“Did I tie the bandage too tight?” Ellana asks quietly from beside her trying not to startle her. Cassandra had been too absorbed in her thoughts to notice that Ellana had fallen behind to ride with her. There is concern in her gaze as she watches her and Cassandra smiles softly to reassure her.

“A little,” Cassandra shrugs. “The armour doesn’t help though.” Which was true, she liked it a little tighter around her wrists. It helped brace her wrist against the weight of her sword and the force that she used it with.

“Here,” Ellana starts, reaching for her reins and hitching them to her saddle. For once Cassandra’s mare didn’t baulk in protest to being so close to another horse. But maybe it was because Ellana’s mare was her stablemate.

“It's fine,” Cassandra tries to protest when Ellana begins to undo the buckles at her wrist. An argument she’s already lost because Ellana isn’t paying attention to her anymore as she deftly removes the outer layer and begins to unwrap the linen-wrapped tightly around her wrist.

Cassandra sighs when she feels the sweaty fabric fall away, the coolness of the air making her skin prickle as it dries. Ellana’s fingers are delicate as they prod the skin, helping the blood flow return to her hands, and Cassandra watches her as she works. Her hair is loose, the top braided messily away from her face but the rest flowing freely down her back, the ends curling softly around her. Her gaze is intent and if she knows that Cassandra is studying her as she works she doesn’t let on.

Or maybe she does know? Her smile is soft, the corners of her eyes crinkled with mischief as her long dark lashes kiss the delicate lines of the tattoos that frame her eyes. She definitely knows the effect that the soft caress of her fingertips against the inside of Cassandra’s wrist has, could probably feel it in the pulse beneath her fingertips.

“Are you feeling alright? Your pulse is a little fast,” Ellana grins, green eyes filled with mirth.

Of course she knows.

“I’m fine.” Cassandra flushes.

_ Maker _ . Ever since the morning after the peace talks and their untimely interruption every little touch had Cassandra feeling weak. Nights sitting around the cooking fire she would lean into Ellana’s warmth beside her. The nights that they slept in their bedrolls under the stars she woke up closer to Ellana than she was before she fell asleep. Sometimes she would just lay there watching her, her hair warmed by the firelight as the stars glimmered above them. It was sentimental of her she knew, but if admiring the beauty of the woman she loved made her weak, she was the weakest woman in all of Thedas. 

“I’m fine too,” Ellana admits quietly beside her. There is a quietness to her that wasn’t there moments earlier in her teasing. A tender vulnerability in emerald eyes that say all Cassandra needs to know without the need for words. 

She looks away. The intimacy of the moment straining the delicate grip that she has on her self control. Perhaps being at Ellana’s side as she travelled to far reaches of Thedas was as much of a torture as being apart from her was. 

_ No _ . 

She would take a thousand longing glances over Ellana’s absence.

“I know you watch me sleep,” Ellana says softly, twisting the length of linen between her fingers.

“I-” Cassandra starts, not knowing what to say. She sighs as she flexes her wrist, wincing at the tightness. 

“I know you worry about me, and I appreciate it but you don’t have to watch over me like that. You need rest too.”

Ellana’s soft words are almost drowned out by Sera’s laughter, the sound twisting in the breeze around them. 

“I worry, but that’s not why I watch you,” Cassandra sighs. Ellana already knew so there was no point denying it. “You know how I feel about you. And… being so close to you and having to stop myself from acting on my feelings is… difficult.”

Which was true. Cassandra had grown so used to being free with her affection the months that they had been in Skyhold that she found that she took such tender indulgences for granted.

“Maybe you shouldn't,” Ellana says quietly, watching Cassandra with a soft expression. 

“What?” Cassandra frowns in confusion. 

“Maybe you shouldn't stop yourself,” Ellana clarifies, brushing the hairs that have escaped her loose braid out of her face. “At least not when it's just the two of us.”

It was… a compromise. But one that Cassandra was happy to make. 

“When are we ever alone though?” Cassandra sighs, pushing back against the thigh warm against her own. 

“Oh I don’t know, Leliana informs me that the Approach is a very big place,” Ellana grins “and Harding reports some kind of fortress that they can’t get close to. Who knows how many rooms with lockable doors there might be within its walls.”

Her words are casual but Cassandra flushes at the heat in her gaze. She could get lost in that green, finding all the flecks of gold that were hidden in their depths. Like some kind of treasure that was all hers to find. 

“Creators,” Ellana breathes watching her intently “You have no idea how much I want to kiss you right now.   
  
Cassandra snots, if it was half as much as she found herself always wanting to do such a thing, she has a fair enough idea.   
  
“I suppose you’re right,” Ellana sighs as if she could read Cassandra’s thoughts. “Though you owe me after that little _stunt_ you pulled the other morning.”   
  
“I do?” Cassandra asks curiously.   
  
“You can’t just work a woman up like that and not follow through Cassandra,” Ellana laughs softly.

“That was Leliana’s fault!” Cassandra huffs. Surely Ellana knew that she would never tease her in such a cruel way? That Cassandra was just as frustrated by the turn of events that morning?

“I know. And her timing could have been much worse,” Ellana sighs, her fingers gliding through her hair again. Only this time Cassandra’s is there to catch her hand as it falls, the leather of Ellana’s gloves creaking as Cassandra squeezes it in her armourless hand. 

“We’re staying in one of the larger camps tonight, yes?” Cassandra asks, letting go of Ellana’s hand - does her best to ignore the cold feeling in the tips of her fingers at its absence. 

“Yes. We should be getting close, why?”

“The Inquisitor has her own tent.”

“She does,” Ellana grins. “I think she even has room for a spare bedroll.”

“Hmm.”

“What are you thinking Cassandra?” Ellana asks curiously, a perfectly arched brow raised in amusement.

“You’ll find out,” Cassandra laughs softly, spurring her horse to a gallop.

She hears Ellana following and the sound of Sera’s whoops and laughter. But she gives her mare her head, and doesn’t look back. 

Later that night after they’ve cleaned up in a nearby stream and shared their evening meal around the fire Cassandra finds Ellana in her tent, seated on the edge of her cot reading scout reports.

Her impulsiveness from earlier surprised even her - she wasn’t sure what made her do it - but it was levity that they needed after so many days in each others company. And in the end, Cassandra ended up letting Ellana win their impromptu race which was worth the jeers and teasing from their companions. It had after all been too many days since she’d last seen Ellana laugh so hard or smile so widely - she had missed that lightheartedness after the events of Halamshiral. 

“Vhenan,” Ellana greets her warmly, looking up at her when she hears the heavy canvas slap shut behind her before turning her attention back to the report in her hands.

_ Vhenan _ . Cassandra had yet to tire of the endearment each time it spilt from Ellana’s lips. Of the warmth and the affection that the word was always laced with. Honeysweet, escaping with a sigh that wraps around her like silk. 

Cassandra watches her silently as she shrugs off her coat, that familiar feeling gnawing in her belly as Ellana frowns at something she’s read. Watches as she pushes loose hair behind a delicately pointed ear before nimble fingers worry at the tear of the long healed scar on her cheek. Something Ellana only did when she was stressed but didn’t want to worry her Cassandra had noticed. 

Surely it wasn’t too selfish for them to cast off their expectations for a few hours? For them to just  _ be _ ? Ellana had tried her best to hide it from the others but she was tired. Cassandra could see it in the corners of her mouth and the roundness of her shoulders. 

_ It wasn’t selfish.  _ That little voice in the back of her head reassured her.  _ Ellana needs to take better care of herself.  _

Her mind made up Cassandra closes the distance between them - small as it was - and plucks the paper from her fingers, setting it down beside her. 

“What are you -” Ellana starts as Cassandra falls to her knees between her legs, fingers clenching in the fabric of a long-ago borrowed shirt where her hands fall at the curve of her waist. “- doing?” Ellana manages to finish with a breathy sigh. 

Cassandra waits a heartbeat. Two. Three more before she finally closes the distance between them cupping Ellana’s face with both of her hands as she kisses her softly. Everything around her - the quiet conversation that passes through the thin walls of their tent and the sounds of camp settling for the night, the bite of the hard ground against her knees - seems to fade and all she can focus on is the woman in front of her.    
  
It feels too soon, the moment they have to part to catch their breath. But she feels light-headed from more than the sweetness of Ellana’s lazy kisses.

“I see you decided to take my earlier advice,” Ellana grins, flushed cheeks and bright eyes giving her a glow in the dim light of the lantern above them.

“I did,” Cassandra replies, not taking her eyes from Ellana’s mouth. From the freckle that lingers under the fullness of her lower lip. A freckle she can’t help from leaning forward to press a lingering kiss to before pulling away again.

Cassandra gathers all of the missives that surround Ellana on the cot and piles them with the rest of her things on the small table in the corner. 

“They can wait,” she admonishes Ellana softly when she makes a noise of protest.

The cot is small and there isn’t enough room for them to do anything more than cuddle but Ellana catches onto her train of thought and after a few moments they’re tangled together beneath the furs and blankets.

“I like where you’re going with this,” Ellana grins, their faces so close their noses brush.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Cassandra sighs “and I want to too, believe me, I do, but… not here. I’m sorry.”   
  
“There's no need to apologise Cassandra. I understand.”   
  
Of course she does. Why wouldn’t she? Ellana was just…  _ Ellana _ like that. 

“I love you,” Cassandra exhales against Ellana’s lips. It feels like days since she last said those words. And maybe it has been since she said them out loud. But she always finds the small ways to tell Ellana if she can’t give the words the voice that they deserve.

“I know,” Ellana grins.

The sound of Cassandra’s laughter is stolen from her lips as Ellana’s meet hers, and all thoughts are chased out of her mind until they finally fall asleep, a tangle of limbs and swollen lips, of hushed whispers and ‘I love yous’ later in the evening. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The beginning of the Inquisitors forays in the Western Approach. Things that Ellana had hoped to keep buried come to the surface, but what does that mean for her and Cassandra?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and welcome back! Hope you enjoy :)

It’s unexpected - only because she’s so used to keeping such a tight grip on her self control - the feeling prickling along her spine. The tingle of her fingers as the swirling depths of magic and lyrium around her become acutely aware to her. Buzzing like the itch of a half-healed scab torn open. But watching Ellana drop to her knees in pain as the mark on her hand crackles an angry green in the bright desert sun stirs some protective urge in her. 

She can see him clearly. It would be so easy, even despite how risky it would be in their current position. All she would need to do is  _ pull _ and just like that -  _ just like that _ \- she could bring that smugly grinning bastard to his knees. If she pushed hard enough the last thing he would remember was the agony of his very blood burning within him.

It would be so easy. But it wasn’t worth it.

Ellana’s growl of anger cuts off Erimond’s brainwashed words and brings her back to her senses. All thought of using her Seeker abilities is pushed aside as she draws her sword and shield. She has only ever had to use them as a last resort, but as good as her control is it would be impossible for her to exclude Dorian in such a small space.

It's a shame, she thinks to herself as a rage demons scrabbling claws glance off her shield, the smoulder of singed metal joining the sickly smell of sulfur and blood. These Wardens were strong enough to survive the joining but were so easily led astray by the fear of the false calling and whatever promises Corypheus had made. It was such a waste of life, and the sooner they could find a way to stop it the better. She feels a twinge of remorse that Ellana was the one expected to find a way to fix the problem. 

Ellana’s frustration is made clear when their last enemy falls, killed by a swift slash of the throat and an angry snarl. 

“Coward!” Ellana yells, spitting blood onto the red splashed stones. She doesn’t need to ask to know she’s speaking to Erimond, wherever he fled. 

Her nose is bleeding freely, drying in vivid red cracks as it drips from her chin onto her armour, congealing in the dusty sun.   
  
“You’re bleeding,” Cassandra tuts, stepping towards Ellana and reaching for her water canteen.

“I’m fine,” Ellana tries to reassure her, waving her away with a weak smile that does nothing to hide the anger still burning in her eyes. She winces when she touches the tattooed bridge of her nose, and Cassandra can see a growing red mark blooming against Ellana’s normally clear skin.

“And I’m the most mild-mannered woman in Thedas,” Cassandra remarks drily with a pointed look, taking the strip of linen that Ellana hands to her. Somewhere behind her she hears Hawke laugh - a short sharp sound - and Cassandra is reminded that they’re not alone. 

“I don’t think it's broken at least,” Cassandra murmurs softly wetting the linen. She works gently as she cleans Ellana’s face, wiping the blood that has dried around Ellana’s lips and chin.    
  
“I’ve had worse,” Ellana replies nonchalantly. But Cassandra isn’t fooled.

“I know you have.” 

“It's my own fault for not keeping my guard up anyway,” Ellana grumbles, wincing when Cassandra dabs at the bridge of her nose. “How bad is it vhen-”

Cassandra’s heart flutters at the half said word, and like Ellana she pretends the word isn’t hanging unfinished in the air between them. She instead focuses on the question, tilting Ellana’s jaw to better examine the damage in the mid-afternoon sun.

“You should have quite the bruise come morning,” Cassandra murmurs softly, handing Ellana her canteen. 

She watches quietly as she takes a sip, swishing the water around to get rid of the taste of blood in her mouth before spitting on the stones beneath their feet. 

“Your eyes…” Ellana starts clearing her throat, hesitating with a bite of her lip as if she is unsure how to continue.

Cassandra knows what she means. Her eyes, normally a warm shade of brown are no doubt, eerie - almost black even in the brightness of the sun.

“My Seeker abilities,” Cassandra sighs “I’m afraid that when Erimond made your mark flare something in me… snapped I suppose.”

“Oh,” Ellana mumbles, a look of realisation dawning on her face. “For me?” 

How could she ask her such a thing? Surely the answer was obvious?

“Who else?” Cassandra snorts. “You’re the only person I would protect with my life. Or who affects me enough to act so impulsively.”

“I think that feeling is mutual,” Ellana smiles softly, her cheeks flushed with the rosy glow of her shyness. “And that we have a small audience.”

The smell of blood and death warming in the sun brings her back to her senses and she curls her lip in distaste.

“We should go if we want to clear the keep by sundown.

“We should,” Ellana grins, stepping over a body as she makes her way towards the others. 

The hum of activity and conversation of the keep is a luxury after weeks on the road sleeping in tents or under the stars. With Ellana safe in the well-fortified keep, there was no reason for them to share, so she took one of the smaller tents away from the main bustle of the cooking fires and workbenches. It was… nice she supposed. But it lacked the presence she wanted the most. The smell of elfroot and woody perfume. The head of moonlight kissed hair and the warm humming voice that were the first and last things she saw and heard every day. 

Maker.  _ Ellana _ she thinks with an exhale, hands squeezing the edge of her cot as she taps her toe on the stonework.

_ What if she _ ? No, it was foolish she sighs, rubbing her face tiredly. The grains of sand buried in her eyelashes scratching as she rubs her eyes. 

That morning weeks ago was foolish. That night a few days ago wasn’t enough. Her knees were still bruised - the purple finally turning yellow - and even as she kissed her she knew that wasn’t how she wanted to spend her time between Ellana’s thighs. Loving her was an act of devotion, and that devotion was best served on her knees.

Cassandra shakes her head again with a sigh. There was no point indulging this train of thought. The fortress yielded no rooms with locked doors like they had hoped, much to both of their disappointment. A discovery she knew frustrated Ellana as much as it had her.

It wasn’t weak to feel this way. She knew that. She loved Ellana after all, she was  _ allowed _ to be attracted to her. To want her as much as she did. But after so long not being attracted to anyone the way she was attracted to Ellana - an attraction that had only made itself known once she realised she was in love with her - she didn’t know what to do with her feelings. Her frustrations.   
  
She had found other people attractive before - she had eyes after all. But Ellana was the first person she had been attracted to for more than looks in a very long time. Pleasure wasn’t something that she sought out - most of the time she didn’t really need it. And she could satisfy herself easily enough the few times that she wanted to. But having sex with Ellana wasn’t just something that she did with her - like it was towards the end of her relationship with Galyan and with the few other partners she had tried to enjoy herself with in the years after the end of that relationship. Sex with Ellana was something she  _ wanted _ . Something she  _ enjoyed _ way more than she thought she ever could.

But even though she enjoyed the intimacy she shared with Ellana, in no way did she feel like she was missing out all the years she was alone before she met her. That version of her was fulfilled in other ways. And found pleasure in other things. And she wasn’t any less like she had sometimes thought alone in the dark the nights there was too much on her mind to sleep. Seeing others enjoy the company of other people in ways that she did not sometimes made her feel isolated. But she knows now that she  _ needed _ the emotional connection and intimate trust that the very foundation of her relationship with Ellana was built on.

And there was nothing wrong with that. 

She is drawn out of her thoughts by the deep voice of Varric. He and Hawke - Isobel - had been inseparable since they had arrived in the Approach. Not that she could blame him. If she had the choice she wouldn’t leave the person she loved -  _ Ellana’s _ \- side either. She just wondered if either of them knew that the other was in love with them. 

If the dwarf wasn’t so insufferable it would be endearing.  _ Romantic  _ even.    
  
“Can you believe the Seeker? Of all people? Protective? Who knew she had it in her,” she hears Varric say. And it pierces her in a way that she doesn’t anticipate.

“I think it's quite sweet,” Hawke’s voice replies.

“Didn’t you once say that you thought Cassandra was just an angry suit of armour?”

“An angry  _ stabby _ suit of armour,”

“Ah. I stand corrected.” 

Even from here she can hear the smug grin in Varric’s voice. And it grates on her Cassandra realises as she clenches her teeth. 

“Who’d have thought there was anything soft under all those hard edges,” Varric laughs.   
  
“The Inquisitor seems just as hard, maybe that's why they get along so well. They just glare at everything.”    
  
“Oh I don’t glare at everything. And if I do it's because everything is too high to reach or it's one of the many petty things that are apparently my job to fix.” Ellana’s voice interrupts the conversation. Despite the sweetness, Cassandra can hear the steely edge to her voice and she wonders how much Ellana might have also overheard. 

Cassandra knew how Ellana felt about her. She also knew how Ellana felt about how the others talked about her - how they perceived her based on the limited parts of herself she shared with others.

She bristles at the thought of Ellana coming to her defence. Of the questions it might raise. She doesn’t know if she’s ready to share what they have with others yet. Doesn’t owe it to anyone other than Ellana to  _ want _ to share it. 

“Blueberry,” Varric’s nervous chuckle replies.

_ Good _ Cassandra thinks.

“We were just leaving to find more ale,” Cassandra hears Hawke say with an awkward laugh.

She won’t deny that she’s curious to know whats going on out there. But her curiosity is forgotten when a familiar head of hair appears through the flap of her tent. 

“Hey,” Ellana grins. The shadows cast by her lamp make the growing bruises under Ellana’s eyes sinister in the dim light.

“Get dressed. I need your help with something.”

“I’m already dressed?” Cassandra asks in confusion, frowning at Ellana.   
  
“I need your sword arm to help fix something,” Ellana elaborates.    
  
“At this hour?” Cassandra asks as Ellana steps through the canvas.

“It won’t take long,” Ellana smiles, holding up her chainmail.

“If it won’t take long surely it can wait until morning?” What was so urgent it needed fixing well after sundown Cassandra wonders?

“It could.  _ But _ I would say that clean drinking water in the middle of the desert is urgent enough. Though I promise I can make it worth your while?” Ellana grins sweetly at her as Cassandra takes the mail from her, slipping it over her head and letting the weight settle on her with a sigh.

With Ellana’s help she manages to get dressed quickly, though her resolve was tested when she feels soft lips on the sensitive skin of her jaw, lingering with warm breath as Ellana steps away from her.

“Ellana…” Cassandra sighs. She knows the tenderness that she can feel swelling in her chest is clear in her face. She could never hide that from Ellana even if she tried. Not anymore.

“I know,” Ellana smiles softly. “Dorian and Bull are waiting for us.”

Cassandra follows her wordlessly, trusting that whatever she needs her help with is important. The desert is bearable now that the sun has been replaced by a rich blanket of stars, though there is a chill to the breeze that stirs the sand beneath their feet. Dorian and Bull are talking quietly as they lean on a pile of crumbled stonework just outside the main gate, and Dorian greets them both with a knowing grin when he sees them approach.

“Do we know if there's an entrance?” Dorian asks.   
  
“There was fresh air coming from the well, so we just have to find it,” Ellana replies, adjusting the strap of her quiver. “I think it looked like there was a path leading to the south, so maybe we should start looking on that side first?” 

“Lead the way Boss,” Bull grins, hefting his great axe over his shoulder.

They walk in silence, keeping a keen eye out for an opening in the stones that make up the foundations the fortress is built, the crunch of their boots in the sand the only noise in the desolate and hostile wilderness.

Ahead she sees a glow - magical, no fire burned that way - and a sloping path that leads to what she thinks is a cave, and she unsheaths her sword.

The barrier is no match for Dorian, and with an elegant twirl of his staff the swirling purple flickers, and then collapses with a loud ‘crack’ and a flourish of sparks. 

The smell of rotting flesh and decay hits her almost instantly, the stench of it curling her stomach as she tries to keep her mouth shut.

“Bloody necromancers,” Dorian grumbles, casting a fireball into the darkness. A fireball that seems to hover, and move almost stumbling towards them.

The creak of Ellana’s bow and the whistle of an arrow is almost silent beside her, and the moving ball of flame crumples limply to the floor of the tunnel casting an eerie glow on the cracked stone. In the dim light of the burning corpse, she can see more dead shuffling steadily towards them and she raises her shield. After a long day of fighting the metal and wood feels heavier on her arm than usual, but this looked like a fight that the four of them could easily win.

“How many?” Cassandra asks quietly, adjusting the grip of her sword.

“Seven? Maybe eight?” Ellana replies before loosing another arrow into the darkness. “It's hard to see past the light.   
  
“Screw this,” Bull rumbles loudly, before charging headfirst into the tunnel, swinging his axe into the crumbling bodies shambling towards them.

Ellana lowers her bow with a growl of frustration, it wasn’t safe for her to try to pick off enemies in such an enclosed space, “Dorian!” Ellana yells in exasperation just as the green of a barrier washes over Bull’s hulking form.   
  
“Already on it!” Dorian yells in reply, the glow of his magic lighting the area around where Bull is fighting.

With a laugh, things go silent in the tunnel and Cassandra takes a tentative step forward to evaluate the situation. 

_ Of all the reckless things Bull  _ \- She draws a breath cutting off her train of thought. An admonishment sits on the tip of her tongue but she pauses when Ellana mutters a curse in Elvhen.

“Bull! Behind you!”

In his haste Bull had apparently failed to account for all of his enemies, and a body is shambling towards him faster than he anticipates. Ellana is quick - taking the monster down with a well-placed arrow, but not before the thing lands a glancing blow on Bull’s forearm.

“Of all the reckless things you could have done, rushing into a dark cave in the middle of the night is right up there Bull,” Ellana snaps in tired exasperation as she stomps towards Bull. Dorian has lit one of the braziers on the wall, the flickering light of the dancing flames warms the giant of a man's face.

“It's fine,” Bull replies nonchalantly, trying to smooth things over with a sheepish grin and an awkward laugh.

“It's not _ fine _ ,” Ellana admonishes him, poking him in the chest. “It was reckless. I can’t do reckless right now. Not today.”

Cassandra frowns at the last words that were softly spoken, no doubt something Cassandra would draw out of her much later when Ellana’s exhaustion allowed her to speak the things that were on her mind.

“Stay here,” Ellana all but commands Bull, and for once he doesn’t joke or try to protest.

Cassandra walks past him in silence, offering him a sympathetic smile - Ellana’s annoyance would pass. And they both knew that she was only annoyed because of how much she cared for the wellbeing of those that she was closest to. 

The smell is much worse in the enclosed space, filthy water lapping at the leather of her boots as she stands at the edge of the body of water beneath the keep above them.

“This is…”   
  
“A mess,” Cassandra replies, finishing off Ellana’s sentence when she pauses, back of her hand raised to her mouth. Even in the dim light Cassandra can see how pale Ellana is and she feels a twinge of sympathy when Ellana’s shoulders roll inward - controlling the urge to be sick no doubt. 

Tries, but fails to, and Cassandra turns away to give Ellana some privacy as she vomits into the murky water.

“Go,” Cassandra tells her “I can deal with this, go tend to Bull.”

Ellana doesn’t argue and with a soft smile and a tender look she leaves, disappearing back into the flickering darkness.

The water is littered with waste and dead bodies - human and animal - and black in the light of the torch that Dorian is holding aloft to better see what they are dealing with.   
  
“If they couldn’t have it no one could. Typical,” Dorian mutters, distaste laced in his words.

Cassandra hums in agreeance, rubbing her face in an attempt to dispel the fatigue that is clouding the edge of her thoughts. 

“I think the only thing we can do is burn it and try to figure something out in the morning,” Dorian murmurs, twisting the end of his moustache in thought

“There is water in the valley to the east that we can use,” Cassandra agrees, latching onto Dorian’s train of thought. It was the only idea they had that worked. “Do it.”   
  
Dorian doesn’t need to be told twice, and after taking a moment's pause to gather his mana the cavern is awash with magical fire. It reminds her of the Necropolis - the dancing flames of the braziers and the lingering smell of death and decay - and her stomach rolls at the memory. 

Dorian follows her but something gives her pause, and she turns back to look at him.

“Go to her,” Dorian sighs “ _ Stay _ with her. She won’t say it. She’s too bloody stubborn to  _ ask _ for it but she needs you.”

“I know,” Cassandra snorts, a wry affectionate smile twisting her lips. “And I will, don’t worry. I… care too much for her to stand by and watch her struggle.”

“Something tells me that there might be something more going on,” Dorian replies, a pensive look on his face. “Though, I did hear from general chit chat that there might be a room with the Inquisitor’s name on it.”

Cassandra flushes at the implication of his words.

“Don’t be bashful dear you’re both adults,” Dorian smirks.

“I -  _ ugh _ ,” Cassandra splutters, turning heel and walking towards the entrance of the cave.

Ellana has just finished patching Bull up when they return, whatever hushed conversation they’re having ending when Dorian makes their presence known.

“It's sorted. For now at least.”

“We can figure out the rest in the morning,” Ellana agrees with a yawn.

Cassandra turns to follow Dorian and Bull back to the keep when a tug on her wrist gives her pause.

“Boss?” Bull asks.

“It's fine we won’t be long,” Ellana reassures him.

“I think we both know she’s safest with Cassandra,” Dorian chimes in. It feels like the three of them are having a conversation she isn’t privy too, and being out of the loop when it comes to Ellana isn’t a thing she enjoys.

“If you’re sure?” Bull asks again.

“I’m sure.”

She’s not sure why but she feels uneasy, but she follows Ellana wordlessly, stopping when they reach the edge of the cliff that looms over the barren expanse of the desert below them.

“What’s going on Ellana?” Cassandra asks with a calmness she doesn’t entirely feel. The smell of sun-bleached sand stirring in the wind calms her as she breathes deeply through her nose. 

“I… need to tell you something,” Ellana starts, a hitch in her voice. “Something I should have told you a long time ago.”

“Whatever it is you can tell me,”

“I know,” Ellana sighs, smiling at her weakly. “I just hope you can forgive me for keeping such a thing from you. I’ve… wanted to tell you. I just didn’t know how. I didn’t know  _ when _ because everything was so  _ everything _ before we left. And now I fear you’ll be angry with me because of it.”

Long fingers worry themselves, picking at the hard skin around nail beds and Cassandra reaches out a hand to still them in their motion.

Ellana breathes a deep shaky breath, her fingers clinging to hers like she expects them to disappear if she lets them go.

“Today with the Wardens it brought up some memories I’ve tried so hard not to remember,” Ellana pauses, mumbling to herself in Elvhen.

Cassandra watches curiously as Ellana seems to steel herself, settling her resolve before after a few more moments pause she speaks.

“I have a brother.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed. Feedback is appreciated, and I honestly like to know peoples thoughts going forward :)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading :)


End file.
